PK 2005; The Last Day

Well, I was back at PK this morning and was tired as crap! But, I still got up and went. Today was the day I was looking fwd. to , actually it was this afternoon that I was looking fwd. to. But at the same time I was not looking fwd. to it, because it would expose who I am and expose me for what I do with my life. For the last few months my life has been spiraling out of control. One thing after another after another, from things I would neglect to do that should be done to things I would do even tho I knew (not thought) knew were wrong. To scarring relationships with the people I love the most, to ruining ones that could have been great. To neglecting God's Word each night to not living it on a daily basis! But at the same time my heart burned within my chest and I yearned to do the will of God. And be the man that God intended me to be! I can relate to the Apostle Paul when he said (Paraphrased) "I do what I hate and I hate what I do, but all the while have a sincere desire to do differently". That is what he meant anyway. The weekends Promise Keepers theme is "Begin your unpredictable adventure". Through the power of the Holy Spirit and with Jesus as my guide and counselor, I WILL begin my unpredictable adventure. I'm not saying that it's going to be easy because quite honestly sometime the struggle and the fight just really suck! I hear that Jesus is 'the way, the truth and the life' but all the while I'm living my way, not knowing what real truth is and risking missing out on Life. I am convinced that I am spiritually asleep and need a spiritual awakening process. I need to be woke up and become a spiritual warrior! I had lost hope in my heart and doubted that I would come back to that place in my life again, or at least for along time! I've learned and am studying the characteristics of an awakened warrior; 1. An awakened warrior guards his heart. Something that I am guilty of not doing, I got to the point in my life where if it was good for the moment, what the hell, do it! But with the help of Jesus Christ I will work to be the awakened warrior He wants me to be. 2. An awakened warrior walks in the spirit. nuff said about that.. #1 speaks enough about my lack in that dept. and 3. An awakened warrior gets back up when he falls! Listening to God speak to me is said to be an important part of learning, growing and living a true life. 5 things that can help me to get into the Word daily are these; 1. Find a time and place that is stictly for reading the Word, no interruptions. 2. Read until God speaks to me. 3. Read Daily! 4. Share what I read. now there is an issue, sure I can share what I read with my family, but to do that with other men brings a whole different perspective. thats not the issue. The issue is that where I come from we are taught that 'small group'/'mens group' is a no-no. Why, I honestly can't say, but i've been saying for a year now that we should do it, have a mens group. But some of the men who I talk to about have a hang up somewhere. I do not know what it is, but I can only suspect. Could it be that the pastor thinks it's 'not necessary and could lead to a division among the brothers' so the men don't want to go against the pastor EVEN THOUGH they feel it is perfectly in God's approval?? I don't know, I can only guess. ok, #5 KEEP GOING. keep reading and progressing. And I add my own #6 LIVE IT. live what I read no just read it but put it into practice daily! Why is this so hard when I desperately have the desire!!?? whew. !! In starting to discover my purpose in life some of the things that were pointed out to me were these; God has made me a unique person. And not only am I unique, but God has given me a unique passion. That passion makes life worth the living. God made me the way I am so I could do what it is He wants me to do. And God has designed me for a unique purpose. Ok, I admit, sometime this is very very hard to believe. But through the power of Jesus, I will strive to believe and trust the source, GOD. In the homelife, my homelife can and does come a bumpy road! concerning kids (now, I don't have kids,,,,yet. But someday I want to have a family of my own, a wife to adore and cherish and love and who loves me unconditionally and kids that look at me and love me) I think i'll cry alot when/if I'm a daddy someday. I hope and pray that I get to see that day when I have the privilege to bring a child into the world! But back to what I was saying! Concerning kids, (now i do have some that I am responsible for as they were my own) involvment is HUGE to them. Involvement comes from availibility. One of the hardest things "HAS BEEN" to 'live according to the way so I can train according to the way'. But through the power of the blood that has changed tonight! I understand that to teach kids, i must be transparent to them, admitting when i'm wrong, and apologizing!!! Even kids know that talk is cheap, most of them learn that from their parents ! Just as I am unique I have to remember that each child is unique. I cannot use a one style of training fits all. But one thing that is universal is that the fear of the Lord is top priority in training children. Not only for them but for them to see it in me. My work, OH NO THE THOUGHT OF IT! ! ! I know that everyone must work, or not eat as the Bible says. I was taught, and am still pondering the things that I must take to work with me each day (And none included my brother, YES!) but ok, i'll still take him. :) The things I must take to work are 1.a sense of calling. Now I don't know about you, but that's a new concept. Calling to be an engine rebuilder. I didn't ask or apply for the job. It fell in my lap 10 years ago fresh out of highschool. But with alittle bit of understanding and instruction I am beginning to see where they are coming from when they say 'a sense of calling'. So much for that, i was going to use the word 'calling' to be the reason why I would 'resign'. JK! I am to receive my work as worship, everything I do, everyone I meet (ugh) I am to consider it worship and do it to the best of my ability for the Lord. In doing that I am to pour myself into my God given assignments. Even tho is my boss telling me what do to, it is God telling him. (Of course it's not God through him when he tells me to beet up the neighbor kids) but I am old and wise and can discern that I think! And ultimately, in all of this, God will reward me. #2. is Responsibility. Provision is tied to responsibility. In reality if I don't work and bring home the bread, we don't eat. So that is pretty basic for me. i think. I am to run from the tendency to be lazy and stick to MY business. not anyone elses but mine. THAT is responsibility. #3. is VALUE. Where ever I work, where ever God places me should be a better place because I work there. We should make an impression on that work place and bring value to it. And even when I feel ontop my game, I am never to stop progressing and learning. Improving my skills has no end. #4 Credibility. Being Honest, Honorable and trustworthy and a big part of credibility. One way to know what we will do in the future for a boss, is what we have done in the past. If we've been a slacker, we will be a slacker. If we were productive and an assett, we will continue to be productive and more of an assett. And in wondering why God doesnt give me bigger and better things, is because I have to ask myself; 'have I been faithful with and am I developing in what He has already given me or where I am now?? and #5. Sense of Mission. If I don't go to work on a mission for souls, i've missed something in the Christian life. Not necessarily to preach to everyone. but to win them by the life I live and the way I work in fear and reverance for the Lord Jesus Christ. With Him as my guide and my strength I will pursue the righteousness of Christ. Will it be hard?? Harder than I know!! Am I committed?? Only while walking by the side of the One who will hold my hand!! Do I fear?? You bet!! Dear God, I am venturin into a new phase of life. fearful; fearful of you and of what I'm entering into. Please Lord, don't let it be a one month thing and then die off !!!! Let it be a one life thing and enter into eternal life !!

Now if you read this by chance and think "Man, Jeff, lemme give ya a hug, man." You missed it, need more a slap on the back of hte head and saying, "c'mon, get with it dude, you are wasting your life and who knows who elses" !!

JF

PK 2005; my first night

Ok, so Promise Keepers 2005 has brought its first night. I attended and was encouraged and inspired. But being encouraged and inspired is totally useless IF I dont put them into works and into change. If I could tell you bluntly, last year, PK 2004 was a waste for me, it was useless, only because I am worse off spiritually one year later. But my heart breaks and yearns to be the man God wants me to be. I plead and I cry to God to give me the strength to change whatever it is that is my stumbling block. I search and search I pray and I pray but still there is something that is missing. Is it God, that is missing? Idk, Like I said, i'm confused about what isn't going right in this puzzle. It's like once I do something I shouldn't or don't do something I should, it's a downward spiral and its Fast, just incase you were wondering. I mean I could sit there and listen to the speakers and say "That's some good stuff" "That's a good way to put it" "thats a good challenge" but if I never put it into practice, accept and meet the challenges or if my poor spiritual condition dosen't improve, (Read my fingers) IT IS ALL FOR NOTHING ! ! ! USELESS AS TRASH ! ! ! If I don't open my proud eyes and listen, accept AND CHANGE, i'm dead. But I cannot do it without Christ, He is by far the most important part of this if it's going to work. That's the kicker, I'm not sure what's missing. And btw, this post is not asking for advice or nothing. Oh, and one speaker said. That to be encouraged you need to surround youself with men of God, but when i try to do that, they don't seem to have the interest to be looked up to by this struggling young man. Or they will deny that i'm struggling as much as I am. (Whacking them on head) Hello, I'm telling you im slipping and falling.. Hello!! Don't disregard my cry for help, o friend !! Ok, so i'm off to sleep, encouraged and inspired.. will it last. God I hope so.. I leave at 6 a.m. for a full day on Saturday. See what I come back with then ..

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday To You
Happy Birthday To You
Happy Birthday To Kelly
Happy Birthday To You

Need Help With Firefox!!

I opened firefox and it gave me the option to pick either "Default" or "Default User" when I chose default user it didnt let me open.. when I chose Default.. it opened but with no favorites or nothing.. Im lost do any of you (Jon C.) know how to recover my lost bookmarks/settings. Or am I back to square one? I appreciate any input.

JF

No More Mr. Nice Guy

See my boss at work was right no more mr nice guy i feel like im always tryin to be a nice guy but in the end always gettin screwed and everytime i get the short end of the deal i say that next time ill just leave without confirming that you dont need a ride or ill just not consider you or whatever just shut up jeff no one cares anyway sometime i feel like i ramble and the cup that holds my pens and pencils and silver sharpies looks at me and says enough already dude the pity party is working ot as it is yeh cup that holds that stuff i know i get it anway if you didnt get the news no more mr nice guy

So here's a peek

I cannot post the whole dilema because the person I write about may someday read my blog. As of now, they don't. Unless of course they did a search on google with my name and found it that way. A new friend of mine has asked me to go to a social 'thing' with her. I've never met her and just saw her pic today. It kinda weirded me out that she would ask me to attend w/her when she never met me in person. Now, should I be concerned of this person. Whether I should go or not is not a question to me, I already said, "I cannot go". But my question to those who care to comment, should I be concerned? and Why/not? Let me know what you think, my wise counselors!!

Dilema

I have a dilema, but not posting it right now. Another topic, for not being a reader, i got alot of reading material in the mail today. This months CCM, this months Relevant and a letter from my friend in prison. So adios for now, friend or stranger. Btw, what should I do with my dilema. you see, when I have to make a choice, I usually pick the 'easier' route, not there is a right or wrong, just that there is one way or the other and neither being right or wrong. I guess it has to do more with self consciousness and shyness.. i know, you're thinking, Jeff? You? Shy? I'll be darned!

Kelly's Blog

I think everyone who knows kelly, or even if you don't, should go to this blog (her old one) and comment along with me and taj about this guy stealing her blog. c'mon ppl get with the program.

Father's Day

It's Father's Day, what the he11 do you want me to say? No big saga, no long story, nothing because in reality who really cares anyway