Dads... Concerning your daughter, if you don't demonstrate deeply on a daily basis that you love her, she will find a guy who will convince her that he does.....
Thursday, January 12, 2023
Most critical 4 years!
As parents, we choose to have children and therefore we are obligated to sacrifice almost everything in our life to raise, teach and protect them. The first 4 years of a child's life are the most critical for learning and developing and the reality is, that is the part of the father's life that he is still deep into his own stuff and by default letting the mother raise the children on her own. The amount of learning that takes place in the first 4 years cannot compare to any other 4 year period of their lives. In my opinion one of the most important things that must be taught by age 1 is your child must learn to communicate please and thank you. Without this elementary discipline they will instead learn that when I scream and cry I get what I want. This has been an incredible experience in the overall discipline of the children learning that crying does not get them more food, but communicating 'please' does. Teaching a 7 month old to communicate 'please' is not easy but with persistence it was proven 6 times in our home. As a father I can see the responsibilities and requirements from my perspective a lot easier and I do not give myself much slack when it comes to the importance of parenting with purpose. We have to parent our children intentionally, not reactionary. To be a reactionary parent is just cleaning up messes and fixing screaming fits, sitting the child down with a TV while we try to give candy to the other so shut them up. ALL of that line of thinking is wrong. As a father, if I ever give my child a screen or device because they are crying or begging, I'm WRONG and should be ashamed, especially if I give them the screen so I can indulge in my own selfish desires. The first and only line of defense against our kids growing up to be whiney, self-entitled, lazy brats looking for handouts who can't do anything for themselves is active, fully involved, only priority parenting. As a father, if I do not actively teach and train my children every day, I'm a failure. If I don't teach them something new and give an in-depth perspective on something, failure. When it comes to work and responsibility, we have our work cut out for us there too. Once our children can walk, all they want to do is please their parents. They are like dogs at that age, everything they do they look up at us for approval. One of the biggest mistakes parents make at that age is they send them away because they are only slowing down the progress OR they don't actively give them small chores. What this does is it gets the children used to not working. In the parent's mind it is the right thing to do, I mean the kid is too young to make it worth it, right? What they don't realize is they are taking the most impressionable years and impressing on them that they sit around while mom & dad do the work, your welcome! If we give them work from 1 year old they will get in the habit and realize that it is normal to help with any and all chores in our home. Asking your 1 year old to put your shoes on the steps, asking them to put trash in the can or asking them to 'help' run the vacuum all give them satisfaction that they are making you happy. Yes, it will take you longer, but it's not about a clean house, it never was, it's about raising the kids that you signed up to raise. Dads have a habit of saying "I gotta babysit tonight". You don't babysit your own kids! You 'get' to spend time with your daughter or son. As dads we have an incredible opportunity to help mold and shape our children and guide them in whatever direction we choose. The scary thing is if we choose to neglect that responsibility and just check the box that we spent 5 minutes with them a few days or suffered through a tea party so now I can go play baseball, play xbox or hang with the guys, someone else will raise them. Speaking of Xbox, it's my opinion that no father should be involved in any gaming platforms as they are designed for addiction and take us away from our children, isolate us from family and steal time that we can never get back. Dad's if you are serious about your children and wife stay off the games! Do it for your family. Taking every opportunity to teach and train your children is a duty and an obligation, not something you can opt out of. Actively look for ways to engage and teach. As the father of 6 children ages 1 to 13, I can say that laying the ground work when they were 0-4 has paid off time and time again! When you see an 5, 6 , 8 or 10 year old that is an absolute brat, out of control, crying for and getting whatever he wants..... look at his father! By age 2 they should full well know that they get absolutely nothing when they cry for it. There is a way to get what you want, when you say "excuse me" and you "ask nicely". The answer may not always be yes but what they should get is an explanation that satisfies their inquiry. Ask any of my children "what do you get when you cry?" they will immediately reply "Nothing" because that is an absolute. It is beneficial to establish absolutes in your home, things such as "when you cry you get nothing", "Disrespecting your mother is a Really Really big deal!", "Hands in your lap and quiet until we ask the blessing at dinner", "It is never ok to argue with your parents" (we will debate, discuss and explain, but not argue).. etc. Establishing those absolutes allows firm, understood rules to be established. There is nothing more important than raising our children and there is no more important time than when they are 0-4 years old. Dad's, if you missed it, you will probably see evidence of it and pay for it for a long time. One last thought on your girls,
Friday, March 25, 2022
"My kids ask too many questions"!!
Have you ever heard a friend or another parent say in frustration, "they won't shut up, it's always why this or why that and a million other questions about everything under the sun..." As a parent, if you don't treasure this and seek out those opportunities, you are nuts! As a dad, I have so much I want to teach my kids on important subjects and critical issues, but if I were to tell them to sit down so I can talk to them about this or that it may be super uncomfortable because of the subject or they may not be listening because their mind can't switch from playing baseball or legos to listening to their dad talk about work ethic or the dangers of peer pressure and drug use. Like everything in a child's life it must start before they are born, thinking about these issues, discussing it with your spouse and preparing yourself to raise and teach them. When they are old enough to talk, tell them repeatedly that you enjoy when they ask you questions and when they do ask tell them "Thanks for asking me that". Now this is where the magic happens. If your child asks you a question... guess what.... most of the time they are ready, willing and able to sit down and have an in depth conversation about the subject at hand, they will be attentive to what you say and take it all in. Also, this is a perfect opportunity for you to segue into other like topics that you may want to discuss.
There are some subjects that parents don't want to talk to their children about and I get it, I mean who wants to tell their child what heroin addiction is? My children know because the question was asked about people looking asleep or dead on the corner, the conversation started with drugs then went on to addiction segued into other forms of addiction and also educated them to what needles are and why they should never be touched for any reason. An example of the value of the conversation transitioning as it did is that if I were to tell me children what a needle was and explain why they should not touch it, they could have become curious and actually picked one up if they saw one. But being they understood the horrific life that just one poke could bring... No needles for them, ever!
Parents may be uncomfortable talking to their kids about sex and educating them to what is safe and healthy. I know a lot of parents a few generations ago just skipped that responsibility. There are many ways to get the conversation started. One is to plant those seeds that no topic is off limits with our children and us, private conversations can include anything that they are curious about. A friend of mind told me that he was unsure of how much to tell his 9 year old son about sex.. the answer is easy, get the conversation going and once they ask one question and you answer it honestly, he will have another question. Now we have a conversation. How much do you tell him? Again, easy, when he stops asking questions, you satisfied his curiosity. My son asked a bunch of questions right away then off and on over the next few weeks and then his curiosity was satisfied.
It is very important to answer ALL of your child's questions. If you don't answer them to their satisfaction, someone else will and that someone could be the wrong kind of influence or worse yet it could be google. A friend (and a father) and I were having a conversation within earshot of my 11 year old daughter and one of us mentioned birth control. My daughter heard that and asked, "Dad, what's birth control?". Now this is a direct result of me teaching her for years that you can ask me anything and I will tell you the truth and encouraging her to ask. Now before that question was even past her lips my friend responded "Big people stuff". As if it were a reaction to that type of question.. and could even have been a defense mechanism to not have to talk about 'uncomfortable subjects'. My daughter was curious and asked a question, her curiosity was not satisfied but she WAS shut up about it with the response. She may be ok for now but that curiosity will eventually creep back in. If I had given her the "big people stuff" response and left it at that, she definitely would not have come back to me with the same question, instead gone to a friend or older person or God forbid, google, and gotten an answer that I had no control over. Something to also consider is that if she got shut down when being curious about birth control, what other sex questions did we inadvertently shut down that will now be outsourced?! What a horrific thought, "We have some control of how and what our children learn and we shift that to an outside sources when we shut them down or do not explain to satisfy their curiosity".
A friend of mine once asked how you know how much to teach your children about new subjects that may require a mature mind to understand. The answer is simple, "when they stop asking questions, you stop answering". It's that simple. Look at the incredible opportunity you have when your children come to you with questions. They will ask a question if they are curious and will stop asking when they are satisfied. And if your child is like 99% of other children, they will be curious and ask more over time and ask their curiosity builds so does our opportunity to teach. Just remember one thing during these extremely valuable times of conversation, you have to be on high alert to never make them feel as if they are wrong or their is something negative about asking these questions. As a parent you need to take steps early one in your child's life, i'm talking 3 or 4 years old, to encourage them to ask questions and thank them for asking.
Kids are curious and always will be, they like boys and girls and always will, they will have questions about some taboo topics and WILL get answers to them. Make it a top priority to be that information source for them. As parents look at how they see you, do you always yell and get excited when they bring up some shocking topics? Do they hide stuff from you because they know your reaction? Do they ask their friends or their aunt or uncle with fringe theories and beliefs? Make it you, but remember all good parenting starts before the child is conceived.
Monday, March 14, 2022
A father's to do list
As a father there are many things pulling us in many directions all the time. The good ones, the conscientious ones and the honorable ones should have a to do list that outlines the good and worthwhile things that should be in every father's life. The following is a basic list of things that should be followed in every father's life as a beginning to success.
- Take your boys on a weekend trip in nature; just you and them. From the time they are 4 years old make it a priority to get together with them for guy time. As a dad how many times did you say, "don't tell Mom!"? From a boy's perspective imagine an entire weekend of that! Camping, hiking, canoeing or any other outdoor activity you enjoy together. As a dad, the hobbies you had as a bachelor are no longer valid unless your kids are into them too. And even then, some hobbies are not valid as a father. Video games, in my opinion, have no place in the life of a man with children, in fact they should have little, possibly no place in a child's life either. The intentional highly addictive design of this type of entertainment is dangerous. Video games, social media, alcohol, drugs.... all of these things have been found to have the same highly addictive nature and each addict will say "Not me, I have it under control". Participants in each one of these possible 'escapes from reality' triggers a release of dopamine to the brain which is the 'feel good' chemical.
- Spend an entire day or two with just your girls. Girls need their father's time and attention more than boys do. It's been proven over and over by neglected girls who turn to many things to replace the physical love, affection and time of their father. Majority of girls who end up pregnant before marriage were neglected by their fathers. You may think that you do not neglect your girls because you are home most evenings and you don't purposely leave them out, but if you do not purposely spend time with her, just you and her, on a regular basis, you are neglecting her. A friend once told me in regards to my oldest daughter who was 7 at the time "Spend time with her, don't push her aside because you are busy, it is so easy to tell her to entertain herself or take care of this or that because she is the oldest and you know she will just entertain herself. But if you do the results are not good". He went on to tell me how he found himself in a situation with his oldest daughter, with a few younger kids he would always tell her to go read a book or find something to do or help with the kids.. He was always 'present' in her space but was not 'present' in her life like he wished he had been... She wound up pregnant before marriage.... Girls will seek what they do not receive from their dad, whether it's time, attention or physical touch.
- Take a weekend vacation with just your wife. It is proven that the one who understands the most gets neglected the most. In a family, when it comes to a husband's time, it's his wife. She sees the same needs you do and therefore understands when she comes last. But in the same way that you should teach your children that their mother is the most important person in the world, you need to treat her that way. One weekend a year with just the two of you, unwind, leave the worries and care at home and be together.
- Date your daughter! From the time they are 4 years old; separately if you have two or three- time out, away from the home and family with just the two of you. Not randomly tagging along when you go food shopping but intentional time, explaining that it is date night. Let the conversation go where she takes it. Have an open mind and if you've been teaching her since 2 years old to ask any question and you'll give her an answer, this time could be golden. Prepare yourself to listen and not interrupt. Having done this for over 8 years with one daughter and 3 years with the other.. It is something I look forward to maybe more than they do. Daughters can fall through the cracks when it comes to fathers. Having talked to my sisters and other women about their relationship with their father in comparison to their brothers.. almost always they speak as though they got the leftovers. And for the same reasons mentioned above, if it's not your time they get, it will be a boy's time before they are mature enough and he will want very different things than you do.
- Date your wife- For the same reasons that you go for a weekend trip once a year, you go on a date once a month.
- Get out in nature with your children. There is not much more rewarding than spending time in God's creation. Whether hiking, biking, backpacking, fishing, playing, picnicking etc. there are a ton of things that you can do outdoors.
- Talk about your blessings- When we talk about our blessings we don't leave much time for complaining. Once you start you create a spirit of thankfulness in your children. Encourage your children to pray, ask them to ask the blessing at meal time and when they are done, thank them. That demonstrates please and thank you. When they pray instruct them to always start with thanking God for anything they are thankful for then follow it up with requests.
- Actively seek out ways to bless others. Everywhere you look you will see need and opportunity to help. "Do unto others.... " if we really were repaid in the way we blessed others would we be wanting in a bad way or would God open the floodgates of heaven... as he promised? It does not start with God blessing us abundantly that we give and bless, it starts with accepting the promise, we give and bless then the floodgates are opened. God says "Test me in this...".
- Hold your children. Countless studies have been done and countless scientific proof has been presented that concludes that children that are held, touched, kissed and otherwise shown physical affection are much more likely to achieve more, be more confident, more caring, better spouses, more thoughtful and feel more secure and less likely to seek unhealthy fulfillment in others than children who are not. Being a dad is a choice, being a father is an obligation. You have the choice to have children but once you do, your life is not your own. 100% of your time, energy and anything else you got better be devoted to wife, children and the pursuit of their happiness. If you do not hug and hold your daughter from the time she is born until she has a family of her own, the chances of her seeking out a boy who will, skyrocket! If you do not, the chances of her getting pregnant out of marriage, skyrocket! By nature, girls need to be held and loved by a guy and, dads, if that man isn't you, it will be someone else and probably not the one you would choose.
- Hold your wife, as much as girls need their dad when they are young, your wife wants to be held and needs you to hold her when you are married. Many times you may hear someone say they no longer tell their wife they love her because "she knows I love her". Of course she knows, of course.... right? But just like we teach our children that actions speak louder than words... but what if actions AND words are missing? Is it just the assumption that the default is in play here? No, that is how you drift apart, that is how your eyes start to wander and you convince yourself that the grass is a little greener somewhere else.. Tell your wife each day "I love you".
- Kiss and hug each of your children- Again it's back to physical touch and physical affection and children by nature need and desire that. Take that away and they will turn into some weird kids that get funny when you hug them. Know a kid that gets nervous or funny when you hug them and tell them you love them? Trace it back to their parents... they probably didn't get kissed or hugged or told 'i love you' very often.
- Read to your children- All of these things involving children have one common theme: Spending time with your children. Read to your children before they can read to help develop a love for reading, a curiosity in books and a desire to learn. When they get older you need to encourage the love of reading and encourage true and wholesome books, not fantasy books or books that have no educational or spiritual purpose. Purely entertainment books are just that, purely entertainment and while there is nothing wrong with them in and of themselves we could think to ourselves "how could I better redeem the time".
- Have private, no kid, time with your wife- Every day a priority of mine is to spend time alone, no kids, no interruptions, time with my wife. Kids will eventually realize that this is their time and I am not allowed to interrupt. Guys, remember, as hard as you try, you will 'not listen' or 'interrupt' so make a concerted effort to shut up and listen. If you say you are interested in hearing what your wife has to say, prove it by closing your mouth and listening... listen to hear not to respond.
- Pray with your family- I find that praying with your family is such an important aspect of a believer's life. Talking to God like you talk to anyone is a great way to teach your children that God is here with us now and always and he is just a thought away. When praying, speak to God like you'd speak to another person sitting next to you, be clear, plain and explicit and use this time when those kids are tuned in and focused to teach them profound principles of truth. Always thank God first and then ask. This is setting the example that we are to be thankful people first, thankful to parents, siblings, teachers, friends... Eventually when they approach you to ask for something the spirit of thanks will be present and it will help shape the way they ask for things, in a more thankful way.
- Teach your children to say please and thank you- from an early age, children can be taught anything we choose to teach them. Gratitude is one of the easiest things to instill in a child as being right and normal. We teach our babies to say please in sign language starting when they are less than one year old. We go through many dinners that are loud and frustrating for the baby. Physically moving their hands in the sign of please and then giving them the bite will eventually cause them to make the connection that when they do that motion, they get what they want. I had one person tell me they would never teach their kids to sign 'please' because by the time they finally caught on, they could talk anyway. They missed the point! The point is never to teach them to sign, it is to teach them to ask politely for the things they want. Soon after they grasp the concept of please it is simple to add on the concept of gratitude and thanks. Throughout their childhood you can constantly maintain their sense of gratitude and their polite nature in asking please by inconveniencing them. Inconveniencing a child is one of the more effective ways of reminding and instilling right behavior. If they fail to say please you can wait until they do or not fulfill that request because of the absence of 'please'. If they fail to clean up their dishes as asked to do and you realize it when they are in the middle of a game or in bed, you can ask them to do it at that moment. If you give them the chance to wait until it's convenient for them or when they are done the game, odds are they will forget again. Inconveniencing them is a good way to make an impact. Children who have say please and express gratitude have a much better chance to being well behaved in other social settings.
- Read the Bible to your children- As with any other setting in life their are always opportunities to teach or children if we look for them. "talk about these things when you rise up, when you lie down, when you come and when you go and when you walk on the way". The bible tells us to talk about the things of God all the time with our children.
- Actively look for ways to serve your wife- In doing this you will demonstrate love and commitment. Not only do it but find joy in it.
- Actively look for ways to sacrifice for your wife and children- Just like serving your wife, sacrificing is an act of love. Putting aside the selfish things you want to do and serving them instead is above rewarding. Whether it be sports, hunting, fishing, video games, work or any other thing we like to do we have to remember that family is first and always. Not first where we depend on our wives to tell us when she needs us to 'help out' and put aside our childish desires, but first like it is first in our mind. 1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things." We are not children anymore, at least we are not supposed to be. If our wives ever tell us they need us to put away the hobby, cancel sports, not hunt every weekend, pause the video game (which have no place in a father's life anyway) or many other things, we fail our wives. We need to be the man of the house taking the leading role, not a followup role to our wives. Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church..." It does not say husbands submit to your wives.. Although don't get me wrong there is much to be said for a husband who is aware of his wife's feelings, beliefs and desires and sacrifices his own for her when it is not a scriptural issue.
- Honor your wife in word and deed. So much so that there is no doubt in your wife's or children's minds that you love them unconditionally.
- Encourage your kids to ask questions- From the first time my oldest daughter had comprehension I encouraged her to ask questions. I went on to thank my children for asking questions and explained in depth whatever they wanted to know. There may be many things that you want to explain to or talk to your kids but if you set up the time and place and bring up the subject it might be awkward at best. If your child asks you the question... you have a captive audience. You can talk and segue into any other subject you'd like. I explain that no topic is off limits and I will be honest and tell them the truth and that if there is ever anything they don't understand, just ask. It has been incredibly rewarding to help create understanding children who have a broad knowledge of many subjects. As a father you have an awesome responsibility to teach and train, so never stop talking to your children. As a father, if I do not teach my children something new everyday I consider myself failed for that day. We have a bedtime routine where the boys will ask questions or request stories of when I was little etc. All these things are prime opportunities to teach and train. Don't pass them up.
Tuesday, November 05, 2019
I remember my dad always saying....
You may have said it a hundred times or heard it said by friends, "I remember my dad always saying..."
I've said that a hundred times, "I remember my dad always saying..." In my life it has been everything from relationship advice and wisdom to repairing one of the many Lawn Boy Mowers he picked out of the trash to conscientious work ethics. He always had something to say and it was always welcomed. Even now, today with my dad being gone more than 20 years, his words still echo when the time is right and I always remember my dad saying things. This makes it all the more important to 'say' things to my own children. The Bible says Deuteronomy 6:6 "...and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." This can be translated to every good thing we know as a parent. When we are with our children we are teaching them whether we like it or not. Teaching them by actions and words. So if we don't make an appoint to be positive and constructive we are doing more harm than good.
Teach them all the time, talk about good, instruct, put in the time. There is no greater service you can do for your children than to teach and train.
Teach them all the time, talk about good, instruct, put in the time. There is no greater service you can do for your children than to teach and train.
Friday, February 02, 2018
Loving like 1 Corinthians
Love is a crazy thing. How do we really know what love is? When we are growing up we might often wonder if we really love someone. We say the words 'I love you' to parents and siblings but do we really know what they mean, the depth and magnitude those words hold. Webster's dictionary defines love as "a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person". I don't know.... that doesn't sound like the real definition of love. So we look to the place where we seek all our answers, the Bible.
1 Corinthians says "...... if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing". In our trials and tests we often pray for faith the size of a mustard seed and we are pretty thankful when we get the victory we are praying for. Imagine what faith that can move a mountain would do? And yet Paul writes to the Corinthians that we could have all the faith in the world but if we do not have love, we are nothing. Not just less or a disappointment or something minor, just flat out nothing. And again in verse 3 Paul writes "If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." We can give all we have over and over to obey scripture and help everyone we ever know is in need, but if we do it without love, it's worthless, we should have just kept it all. We can do many things in our life and may seem like a really good person, but all that done without love is worthless and we are nothing.
1 Corinthians says "...... if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing". In our trials and tests we often pray for faith the size of a mustard seed and we are pretty thankful when we get the victory we are praying for. Imagine what faith that can move a mountain would do? And yet Paul writes to the Corinthians that we could have all the faith in the world but if we do not have love, we are nothing. Not just less or a disappointment or something minor, just flat out nothing. And again in verse 3 Paul writes "If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." We can give all we have over and over to obey scripture and help everyone we ever know is in need, but if we do it without love, it's worthless, we should have just kept it all. We can do many things in our life and may seem like a really good person, but all that done without love is worthless and we are nothing.
Further in 1Corinthians 13:4-8 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails". Now that's a better definition than Mr. Webster could ever write. If we ever had the thought pass our mind "do I really love them?" Or if we say we love someone but don't show it, that verse clears it up pretty quick. Love is patient. How often do we lose our temper, get annoyed at our spouse or secretly wish they would hurry up. Are we ok with our kids or spouse taking as long as they need to learn something or figure things out? Or does our patience wear thin when they don't snap to it. Our level of patience would indicate if we really loved them. Love is kind. Are we compassionate and kind? Do we speak kindly to our kids and spouse or anyone we meet In a day? Do we have a kind heart that sees needs and react? Love does not envy. When someone we know or our spouse gets a better shake than we do or has better things or can afford nice things, do we envy them are we jealous of their blessings? Love does not boast. Bragging, boasting and gloating have no place in the mouth of one who truly loves. Are we always bragging about the things we do or always talking about the 'things' we bought? All we are doing is saying how great we are! We are not great. That's not what we were created to do. That's not what we were created to be. Love everyone in your heart. Have divine love in your heart for everyone. Genuinely desire the best for each and every person you meet. If someone has something against you or treats you badly... bless them. Love never fails.
Monday, July 11, 2016
An open letter to all dads
This letter is written from the unrealistic perspective of an adolescent daughter.
Dear Daddy,
I've been thinking about my future lately, I sure hope you have too! You know, parenting is a full time job. I'm sure you know that but sometime you don't seem to act on it. I need you involved everyday of my life. You may think that Mom has me handled since we are both girls but dad what you don't realize is that while Mom really does play a large role in my life, it has been said that you play the greatest role ever in my life. I need you to be committed, not just verbally committed like saying "yeh yeh, i'm here for you". Being there and fulfilling your obligations are two different things. Most dads come home every night and say they are being there, but the good ones make an appoint to be home on time or early so they can assure me that i'll spend quality time with you. Dad, stop chasing the dollar and start chasing me! Stop trying to please every business associate you know and start trying to just make me feel loved, daily. I'll only be little once and for some of my older peers that time is slipping away faster and faster as they grow up. Dad, you need to teach me everything you know and instill in me the values that made you who you are! I need to know how to pray, how to read the Bible, what is acceptable speech, who are acceptable friends, I need you to read to me and sit with me, pray with me and laugh with me, I need you to create such an amazing relationship with me that I would not think of making a life decision without first talking to you. That amazing relationship will bloom into mutual amazing respect when i'm a teenager and beyond. But Dad, you need to wake up! That maintenance on our relationship should have started when I was in the cradle. It's not too late now, dad, it will just take some hard dedicated work and some time. I don't want to be one of those girls who decides to run off and get married and you are scratching your head wondering where you went wrong. Or out of the blue I leave the Faith I was raised with leaving you in shock. Dad, you need to be constantly teaching and explaining things to me. You learned them over your 20,30,40 or so years and you only have a few to teach them to me. Don't give me a lame excuse that you don't have anything to talk about. You've been around a lot longer than I have! But remember dad, listen closely now, 'you can't learn anything while you are talking to me'. I want you to know me inside out. You need to sit, listen and admire the simple innocence that I am at this young age. Listen to what is important to me and take an interest in that. Don't get me wrong, I want to hear what you have to say too, but you will always have those same words, I am growing up fast. Sit with me dad, every night by my bed and let me talk, listen, take it in and admire the beauty that is your daughter who loves you unconditionally. I need to have firm convicted teaching ingrained in me as truth and normal so that when a new idea or new way of thinking comes along or someone challenges my faith or tries to lead me astray I have something to base my opinions and decisions on. Dad, you don't want some guy to come into my life and just indoctrinate me with all his views and philosophies do you? I need to know how and what I believe, firmly, before anyone tries to show me abother way. It will happen if you don't invest the time in me now to teach teach teach and enjoy each other's company. I need a reference point for all things true when I get into my teenage years. I will easily be lead astray if you don't help me dad. Teach me, love me, hold me, kiss me, hug me, date me, listen to me and don't stop any of this as long as we both shall live. Make me a promise dad! All of us young girls have it born in us to seek out the company of a man. Dad, this HAS to be you!! If you don't teach us and show us, we won't know whats right and wrong and will seek out another boy that you don't approve of and is bad news for me. I won't know that sex outside of marriage is a bad thing but saved for marriage is a beautiful thing. I won't know that I should not drink alcohol or smoke! I won't know to avoid people of bad influence and to think of my spiritual well being before the simple feelings of others. I won't be able to recognize peer pressure and know that it can be a very bad thing when I run with the wrong crowd. I won't know that as a teenager it is possible to make some very bad decisions that can adversely affect me for the rest of my life! I won't know that sleeping around is wrong. I won't know that it's dangerous to be dating at 15 years old. I won't know what kind of language is acceptable. I won't know a lot of things if you don't teach me dad because if you don't teach me, another boy will. Dad, if you don't create that awesome open and respectful relationship now, I won't feel comfortable going to you for advice, especially when it's something I know you won't be happy about. And if I lack a relationship with you it will most likely be a boy that will lead me down a bad path and possibly to destruction. Dad, also, when I do something that disappoints you please try to stop, think then respond so that I'm not constantly getting grounded or yelled at and slowly a wall of resistance is built that I don't feel like climbing over every time I want to talk to you. Dad, if you raise me right, with respect and love, I will have so much admiration, love and respect that I will not even think of a boyfriend until I'm 18... or 25. I know my friends will be talking about boys their whole life because their parents put those thoughts in their heads, but not you dad, teach me right, please. Dad, I need you, all of us little girls need our dads but it seems that most of our dads are not listening. They say they are, they look like they are, but they are not. When one of my friends grows up, meets a guy, and conforms her life to his including his wrong spiritual views, her dad can't be surprised, after all, he was not there! Dad, don't neglect me. I need you, a lot and often. What are you saying by your actions is more important than me? Your job, your money, your friends, your hobbies, my brothers, helping others? There are many things that you can put ahead of me and while they are 'good' in themselves, if you neglect me while you are doing them, they are wrong! I need you, I am your first priority, I get you first, last and always. If I fail you it's most likely because you failed me first. Don't get it twisted dad, your charity starts at home. In so many words, dad, I am asking you to put your life on hold while I grow up. If you fail in this I will make decisions that will cause you much disappointment and heartache. I will not do those things to hurt you, but simply because this is the life you handed me. My life is in your hands dad, do not let me down, I'm counting on you. Dad, I'm 3 years old, who else can I run to??
Love
your daughter
P.S. My brothers need you too. I'll try to talk them into writing to you sometime...
Dear Daddy,
I've been thinking about my future lately, I sure hope you have too! You know, parenting is a full time job. I'm sure you know that but sometime you don't seem to act on it. I need you involved everyday of my life. You may think that Mom has me handled since we are both girls but dad what you don't realize is that while Mom really does play a large role in my life, it has been said that you play the greatest role ever in my life. I need you to be committed, not just verbally committed like saying "yeh yeh, i'm here for you". Being there and fulfilling your obligations are two different things. Most dads come home every night and say they are being there, but the good ones make an appoint to be home on time or early so they can assure me that i'll spend quality time with you. Dad, stop chasing the dollar and start chasing me! Stop trying to please every business associate you know and start trying to just make me feel loved, daily. I'll only be little once and for some of my older peers that time is slipping away faster and faster as they grow up. Dad, you need to teach me everything you know and instill in me the values that made you who you are! I need to know how to pray, how to read the Bible, what is acceptable speech, who are acceptable friends, I need you to read to me and sit with me, pray with me and laugh with me, I need you to create such an amazing relationship with me that I would not think of making a life decision without first talking to you. That amazing relationship will bloom into mutual amazing respect when i'm a teenager and beyond. But Dad, you need to wake up! That maintenance on our relationship should have started when I was in the cradle. It's not too late now, dad, it will just take some hard dedicated work and some time. I don't want to be one of those girls who decides to run off and get married and you are scratching your head wondering where you went wrong. Or out of the blue I leave the Faith I was raised with leaving you in shock. Dad, you need to be constantly teaching and explaining things to me. You learned them over your 20,30,40 or so years and you only have a few to teach them to me. Don't give me a lame excuse that you don't have anything to talk about. You've been around a lot longer than I have! But remember dad, listen closely now, 'you can't learn anything while you are talking to me'. I want you to know me inside out. You need to sit, listen and admire the simple innocence that I am at this young age. Listen to what is important to me and take an interest in that. Don't get me wrong, I want to hear what you have to say too, but you will always have those same words, I am growing up fast. Sit with me dad, every night by my bed and let me talk, listen, take it in and admire the beauty that is your daughter who loves you unconditionally. I need to have firm convicted teaching ingrained in me as truth and normal so that when a new idea or new way of thinking comes along or someone challenges my faith or tries to lead me astray I have something to base my opinions and decisions on. Dad, you don't want some guy to come into my life and just indoctrinate me with all his views and philosophies do you? I need to know how and what I believe, firmly, before anyone tries to show me abother way. It will happen if you don't invest the time in me now to teach teach teach and enjoy each other's company. I need a reference point for all things true when I get into my teenage years. I will easily be lead astray if you don't help me dad. Teach me, love me, hold me, kiss me, hug me, date me, listen to me and don't stop any of this as long as we both shall live. Make me a promise dad! All of us young girls have it born in us to seek out the company of a man. Dad, this HAS to be you!! If you don't teach us and show us, we won't know whats right and wrong and will seek out another boy that you don't approve of and is bad news for me. I won't know that sex outside of marriage is a bad thing but saved for marriage is a beautiful thing. I won't know that I should not drink alcohol or smoke! I won't know to avoid people of bad influence and to think of my spiritual well being before the simple feelings of others. I won't be able to recognize peer pressure and know that it can be a very bad thing when I run with the wrong crowd. I won't know that as a teenager it is possible to make some very bad decisions that can adversely affect me for the rest of my life! I won't know that sleeping around is wrong. I won't know that it's dangerous to be dating at 15 years old. I won't know what kind of language is acceptable. I won't know a lot of things if you don't teach me dad because if you don't teach me, another boy will. Dad, if you don't create that awesome open and respectful relationship now, I won't feel comfortable going to you for advice, especially when it's something I know you won't be happy about. And if I lack a relationship with you it will most likely be a boy that will lead me down a bad path and possibly to destruction. Dad, also, when I do something that disappoints you please try to stop, think then respond so that I'm not constantly getting grounded or yelled at and slowly a wall of resistance is built that I don't feel like climbing over every time I want to talk to you. Dad, if you raise me right, with respect and love, I will have so much admiration, love and respect that I will not even think of a boyfriend until I'm 18... or 25. I know my friends will be talking about boys their whole life because their parents put those thoughts in their heads, but not you dad, teach me right, please. Dad, I need you, all of us little girls need our dads but it seems that most of our dads are not listening. They say they are, they look like they are, but they are not. When one of my friends grows up, meets a guy, and conforms her life to his including his wrong spiritual views, her dad can't be surprised, after all, he was not there! Dad, don't neglect me. I need you, a lot and often. What are you saying by your actions is more important than me? Your job, your money, your friends, your hobbies, my brothers, helping others? There are many things that you can put ahead of me and while they are 'good' in themselves, if you neglect me while you are doing them, they are wrong! I need you, I am your first priority, I get you first, last and always. If I fail you it's most likely because you failed me first. Don't get it twisted dad, your charity starts at home. In so many words, dad, I am asking you to put your life on hold while I grow up. If you fail in this I will make decisions that will cause you much disappointment and heartache. I will not do those things to hurt you, but simply because this is the life you handed me. My life is in your hands dad, do not let me down, I'm counting on you. Dad, I'm 3 years old, who else can I run to??
Love
your daughter
P.S. My brothers need you too. I'll try to talk them into writing to you sometime...
Wednesday, March 02, 2016
If tomorrow never comes...
Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt
The way I feel about her in my heart
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel
'Cause if tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
If you want to hear the real version of this song check it out here CLICK LINK on you tube then read on...
"Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring." Proverbs 27:1
That verse comes the closest to saying straight up "tomorrow is not promised". All of us have lost loved ones long before we thought it was their time. Fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, friends or children, the list could go on. If we lost someone close do we really know how much they loved us? Do we say they loved us because it was something that we 'knew' even though they may not have said it or showed it very much? Were they one of those 'but you know how I feel about you' kind of people that did not show affection or say I love you? If that is the case it leaves a sad heart.
This being written by a husband everything is written about a wife. But their are some wives that need a wake up call in the love and affection department and to show their husbands the respect, honor and love that the Bible commands.
We are not promised tomorrow and tomorrow may not come! That is a sobering thought that tonight when we lay our head down next to our wife, kiss her goodnight and close our eyes, we may not wake up to see her again. God may call us home. Or our wife may be called home. It is a real true possibility because no one knows the time that each of us has left on this earth. If that did happen, if I did not wake up tomorrow, would my wife know how much I loved her? Did I try in every way to show her every day that she's my only one? I have a marriage vow and a commitment and promise made before God and friends to honor, love, respect and protect her and there is no place for division in those vows! If we break them what else is left that is sacred. Like I say to my kids "A promise is a promise". In other words when you make a promise there is nothing greater and there is no excuse not to keep it, after all, a promise is a promise. I've been married for just over 7 years and while that seems like a short period of time, I hear people that are getting divorced say "We made it 10 years, we did good"? What? We have only 7 years in and we are just getting started!! In those 7 years you spend a lot of time around a wide variety of people and couples in a variety of places in their relationships. Some just married, some married 20 years, some engaged, some dating and some just starting to date etc. We notice little things about couples, it could be strangers or someone we are out with and we discuss these things... I'm sure you all do that. Some things blow me away the way some guys treat their wives (and vice versa).... and this is in public! Guys, the way you treat your kids and you wife around others will be multiplied when you are at home. Ever at a friends house and he 'tells' his wife to do something while he relaxes with the guys? "Hey 'wife' put the coffee on". " Hey 'wife' the dishes need done". 'wife' the baby needs changed, 'wife' I want dinner on the table when I get home from work. The list could go on and on. Guys, your wife is your bride, your gift, the love of your life, your treasure as Solomon says, the queen of your house, the mother of your children and the one you vowed to honor, respect and love with all of your heart!! If you even make a request or demand of your wife without the word please and end it with a question mark you don't deserve the woman that she is. Plain and simple you don't! You deserve the frying pan maybe but not that woman's love. Guys, our wives should be our top priority with only God above her. Someone once told me the priority list should be, "God, wife, kids" in that order. My thought was, "He only says that because he does not have kids at home to deal with and prioritize", but later I realized how right he was. A kid centered home is a home with priorities out of order and you marriage will suffer. The stress builds up and you take it out on each other. Sarcasm sneaks in, finger pointing and blame. I was told by a husband that his wife would ask the same question all the time that he didn't have the answer to, his response was a sarcastic one that she knew wasn't serious. She would walk away and make her own decision on the matter and go on. After this went on for awhile he asked her "When I answer like that does it annoy you"? She answered "yes". He said "I thought you would have gotten the hint then". Come on man!! Is this really the relationship you want with your bride? With the limited time husbands spend with their wives on an average day, you are going to choose to use sarcasm instead of telling her how you really feel about her question? Communication is key.
"If I never wake up in the morning, would she ever doubt the way I feel about her in my heart?"
There are two types of marriages and when I explain these two types our minds will race through all the ones we know and sort them out, and of course we see our own as the second type. But is it really? Deep down? The first type is what I call a business agreement marriage. The husband and wife both feel the same way about most of the main issues in life, they both want the same thing when it comes to kids and how they are raised, they have very similar wants and desires that they've talked about anyway. They 'get along' great and don't argue too much. She 'listens' to him and his final say. Most of the time they have no real issues to speak of..... but the marriage lacks,,,,, what's the word,,,,, lacks real substance, real passion, real love, real active pursuing self sacrificing daily affectionate passionate love. "But we have kids"..... bull crap! Kids only enhance it! Any couple that uses any excuse of why their marriage is anything less than type number two maybe shouldn't have gotten married. It is a marriage that 'works' but is there actually anything else of value to it? Have you ever been around a married couple a lot and thought to yourself "I've never seen them touch each other, flirt, hug, kiss, laugh, snuggle........... and I've seen them a lot"? Where did the kids come from? ha. That's the first type!
The second type has a husband who makes his wife his first priority everyday. He never stops thinking about her and ways to make her happy, ways to honor and respect her. He tells her 5, no maybe 10 or 15 times a day that he loves her and makes sure she knows just how much! He demonstrates what love is to his kids and how to love a woman and their mother. He demonstrates by example that their is no place in our home for demands no matter who is talking or who is being talked to (except maybe in the bedroom) ha! They talk about things that upset them and work them out. He does everything he can to make her life and work easier. He is passionate about his wife and makes time for her. This second type of marriage prioritizes time together, daily, making it a priority to spend the last hour or two together to talk and enjoy each others company. Actively working things out so he can date his wife. Before you were married, you spent a lot of time together, you dated, you went to dinner, you spent time alone talking and playing games, you got her gifts and flowers... why did that all stop?? Don't say anything about your kids! Don't use them as an excuse of why you don't pursue your wife, why you aren't in love with her or why you don't passionately demonstrate your love and devotion to her everyday! A husband once related to me how his wife never did this, always did that, beat him down, wore him out etc etc and he asked me how my wife and I get along so well. I told him I had a fail proof plan for a great marriage. If everyday you both get up and think what you can do to make the others day better, never think of yourself, and in everything you do, do it for each other...... how can you go wrong? His response "Oh, well I could do that but she would never do it for me so it would never work". That, is a type 1 marriage that will probably never change. Husbands! you need to prioritize your wife, never stop thinking of her, never stop complimenting her and loving her no matter if she reciprocates it or not! It's all about how YOU treat her!
If tomorrow never comes will she still be angry at the moron you were last night? Will she still be pissed because you yelled at her for not having dinner on when you got home? Or will she remember how much you loved her without having to convince herself that you really did? Don't be one of those guys who tells your wife you love her once or twice a day. I don't care if you've been married for 45 years or just got married. Time should not matter when it comes to holding your bride, loving her, enjoying her, romancing her, thinking of her, kissing her and being her man, always thinking of ways to be of service to her!
Every day, every minute you are around your bride treat her like tomorrow might not come, cause it might not! Make sure she knows what you think she knows. Treat her like the treasure that she is. Tell her again and again. Ask her if she knows. Tell her. Show her. Tell your children how much you love their mother and demonstrate it in their presence. Show them how to really love and respect a woman. If you have boys this is of monumental importance that you demonstrate how to respect and love a woman. Womanizers are not just something that 'happens'. If you know a man who disrespects women you have to wonder where his dad was during his growing years. When it comes to loving your bride tell her and show her so much that that smile and glow don't go away and when it does it lights back up again.
Acknowledge what your wife does. What she does for you, what she does for others and what she does for your family. Acknowledge and thank her when she does the dishes.......... "But that's her job, why would I thank her for doing what she is supposed to do?" You thank her because she IS doing the job that she is. Taking care of a house and family is no small task and a woman who chooses to do so deserves our thanks and appreciation. Even hear a guy joke around that 'the woman belongs in the kitchen'? He may make it out to be a joke, but I bet that if you were a fly on the wall you'd find out that he may only say it as a joke, but the attitude demonstrated in the daily grind says different. If tomorrow did not come would she suddenly feel free of your pressure to meet your standards when it comes to housework? Is she free to make her own rules and set her own schedule? Don't be a regret but instead be a joy to be around. Several wives have told me that if they could do it all over again they would never get married, they'd stay single their whole life. I questioned that maybe with the right person it would be different. They both had similar answers that no guy would be better than their current husband. How wrong they are but they will probably never know it! Don't be that husband that your wife despises. Be a breath of fresh air when you arrive home, not one of those "Here we go again" kind of husbands. Don't try to change her to be like you, it's not easy. Remember that the easiest thing for you to do, is be you. It's not easy for her to be you. Thank her for everything she does, love her for who she is, date her, pursue her, treat her like your treasured bride that she is. That smile should not go away!
Acknowledge what your wife does. What she does for you, what she does for others and what she does for your family. Acknowledge and thank her when she does the dishes.......... "But that's her job, why would I thank her for doing what she is supposed to do?" You thank her because she IS doing the job that she is. Taking care of a house and family is no small task and a woman who chooses to do so deserves our thanks and appreciation. Even hear a guy joke around that 'the woman belongs in the kitchen'? He may make it out to be a joke, but I bet that if you were a fly on the wall you'd find out that he may only say it as a joke, but the attitude demonstrated in the daily grind says different. If tomorrow did not come would she suddenly feel free of your pressure to meet your standards when it comes to housework? Is she free to make her own rules and set her own schedule? Don't be a regret but instead be a joy to be around. Several wives have told me that if they could do it all over again they would never get married, they'd stay single their whole life. I questioned that maybe with the right person it would be different. They both had similar answers that no guy would be better than their current husband. How wrong they are but they will probably never know it! Don't be that husband that your wife despises. Be a breath of fresh air when you arrive home, not one of those "Here we go again" kind of husbands. Don't try to change her to be like you, it's not easy. Remember that the easiest thing for you to do, is be you. It's not easy for her to be you. Thank her for everything she does, love her for who she is, date her, pursue her, treat her like your treasured bride that she is. That smile should not go away!
Tomorrow may not come. So each day. Live it with your wife in a way that if tomorrow does not come, with no words or convincing she will know in her heart and the world that witnessed your marriage will know the way you felt about her.
As a follow up note:
If all this sounds good but you find your spouse not responding to what you feel is the ultimate way to show love, maybe you just aren't speaking their language. More specifically, their Love Language. If that intrigues you, click this link and take the quiz http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Happy Valentine's Day Anita
This post is for my daughter Anita. Although she is only 6 years old right now and won't read it, maybe she will read this in 2025 or 2029 when she is 16 or 20 and her friends and peer pressure tell her she needs to have a boyfriend in her life because all of her friends do and it's valentine's day etc. etc. Too many young 15, 16, 17 year old girls are dating and have boyfriends and haven't even graduated from childhood yet. They went from playing dolls to holding a boy's hand and they don't really know why. Peer pressure and society telling them they need to have a boy in their life is giving them a raw deal. But back up a few years.... If a girl desires to have a boyfriend at 13 or 14 years old her father has missed something in her childhood. A dad needs to prioritize his daughters and work overtime to demonstrate what a real gentleman should be and how a real gentleman treats a woman. A dad needs to take every opportunity to love and prepare his daughter for dating and marriage. After all, we as parents are only preparing our daughters to grow up, marry and leave us. Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" The second chapter of the Bible, the second chapter of human history, God created a woman from man's rib for the sole purpose of helping a man, therefore leaving her mother and father to cleave to her husband. As much as that verse makes me glad I keep a shotgun handy, it is not just a friend's suggestion but instead it is the Gospel truth. Our daughters will grow up, find a man and leave us for him. Our job from day 1 is to prepare her and pray to God that the man she decides on has parents that put in the time to raise a Godly, God fearing young man for her. Dads, it's your responsibility to shape the young women in our lives, teaching them what it is to love the Lord and put Him first in our lives. You need to develop a relationship with her from infancy that she respects you and your wishes so much that it won't be a matter of her not sneaking out with a short skirt, earrings or high heels but more a matter of her not even having those desires because you raised her right and she knows what a respectable young lady dresses like. She knows the kind of girl that demands respect and honor rather than the kind of girl that demands men's second looks and wrong desires. Dads, you are the one that they need to hear it from. It is different coming from their dad than from their mom. Dad's need to have such a relationship with their daughters that it really matters to her what her dad thinks of her outfit, her shoes and her jewelry. But you need to speak with conviction and speak it as truth. I often struggled with the fact that when I tell my girl that "a respectable you girl wears skirts that come down to her knees" that I am at the same time telling her something about girls who wear short skirts. She will often ask me why someone else is wearing such a short skirt... But i've come to the conclusion that in the same way that I am trying to get her to the place where peer pressure does not have an effect on her, I have to ignore the pressure to not put such an emphasis on those things and not make them such a big deal because my peers don't make them a big deal with their daughters or even teach them in the same way, but instead let them where short skirts, high heels and gaudy adult like jewelry. Right is right and wrong is wrong. No young girl should be wearing a skirt that barely covers or 6" heels when they are 15 years old. There is no reason why a 12 year old needs to wear earrings. I explain to my daughters that there is no need to wear earrings because it only distracts from her beautiful face and there is no reason to die her hair because God knows what the best color for us is and he already made her beautiful with the hair He gave her. Are we ashamed of how God designed us? You get the point. God made her, she is beautiful just the way God created her, no need from jewelry to distract or makeup to hide her natural beauty. Every child and every daughter is beautiful and needs to hear this, often!! No we are not making self centered arrogant kids, we are assuring them that they can be comfortable in their own skin with adequate covering of their body. Kids that know their mom and dad love them and each other unconditionally are much more likely to chose a mate that has similar values as their own parents.
Ok, so now to get serious. Single girls and those who have doubts about their guy this is for you.
Girls, never settle for a guy! This is the reason why guys are supposed to pursue the girl and girls are never supposed to pursue a guy or ask him out. Girls, be pursued. Guys, pursue. Song of Solomon 4:9 “You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride.” Note the middle phrase "My treasure". If your guy or the guy you are interested in does not treat you like his treasure, walk away he's not worth your time. You had better be his treasure and his desire to please. If he does not bend over backwards and spend his spare time thinking of you and ways to make you happy he is not what a future husband should be and not worth your time. “Do two people walk hand in hand if they aren’t going to the same place?” Amos 3:3 In other words if you are not on the same page with marriage, with God, with goals and dreams you cannot walk together. What are his desires? Does he respect you? Did he ask your dad first if he could date you? Your daughter should respect and value your opinion and thoughts so much that she will tell the boy pursuing her that he should talk to her dad first before they go on a date. He should spend time at her house with her parents before they ever spend time alone. He should spend time at the dining room table with the girl's dad while he cleans his gun. That boy has got to know what your daughter means to you and that boy has to know how much you love your daughter's heart, that he better not break it. If he does not make your daughter's heart a priority he has no business dating her. Become the type of person that attracts the type of person you want to marry someday. Girls cannot dress and act like the world and be surprised when they attract guys of the world or guys with the desires of the world. You will attract the type of person you are. Girls don't look for a guy to come into your life to make it complete and fulfill it. You need to be comfortable and confident with your life before you can bring another person into it. Love yourself and your life before you bring anyone else into it.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Luke 10:27 If you are a Luke 10:27 girl you will attract a Luke 10:27 guy. Marriage does not complete you. It compliments you. Having issues in your life and looking for a guy to date will only add to your problems. Dating or marrying to 'complete' your life will hardly ever work. A girl cannot sit and wait for a man, looking at each guy and wondering if he will be the one that pursues her. You cannot do that, you will go mad! Don't wait on a guy to pursue you, wait on God. Whenever you’re feeling frustrated over how long it is taking a guy to notice and pursue you, remember that God is in control of timing, of this guy’s heart, of everything. Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” Notice it says the man finds his wife, not the other way around. You as ladies do not know the right time, but God does. Wait on Him and trust him. You can rush into a dating relationship with the wrong guy and get pressured into many things that you are not comfortable with, things that your dad warned you about, but all your friends are doing it and you don't want to be the odd one out. Then things go wrong one peer pressure leads to another and you are stuck with this boy, this kid for the rest of your life, or one of many other horrible options.
Several statements from girls I've heard:
Ok, so now to get serious. Single girls and those who have doubts about their guy this is for you.
Girls, never settle for a guy! This is the reason why guys are supposed to pursue the girl and girls are never supposed to pursue a guy or ask him out. Girls, be pursued. Guys, pursue. Song of Solomon 4:9 “You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride.” Note the middle phrase "My treasure". If your guy or the guy you are interested in does not treat you like his treasure, walk away he's not worth your time. You had better be his treasure and his desire to please. If he does not bend over backwards and spend his spare time thinking of you and ways to make you happy he is not what a future husband should be and not worth your time. “Do two people walk hand in hand if they aren’t going to the same place?” Amos 3:3 In other words if you are not on the same page with marriage, with God, with goals and dreams you cannot walk together. What are his desires? Does he respect you? Did he ask your dad first if he could date you? Your daughter should respect and value your opinion and thoughts so much that she will tell the boy pursuing her that he should talk to her dad first before they go on a date. He should spend time at her house with her parents before they ever spend time alone. He should spend time at the dining room table with the girl's dad while he cleans his gun. That boy has got to know what your daughter means to you and that boy has to know how much you love your daughter's heart, that he better not break it. If he does not make your daughter's heart a priority he has no business dating her. Become the type of person that attracts the type of person you want to marry someday. Girls cannot dress and act like the world and be surprised when they attract guys of the world or guys with the desires of the world. You will attract the type of person you are. Girls don't look for a guy to come into your life to make it complete and fulfill it. You need to be comfortable and confident with your life before you can bring another person into it. Love yourself and your life before you bring anyone else into it.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Luke 10:27 If you are a Luke 10:27 girl you will attract a Luke 10:27 guy. Marriage does not complete you. It compliments you. Having issues in your life and looking for a guy to date will only add to your problems. Dating or marrying to 'complete' your life will hardly ever work. A girl cannot sit and wait for a man, looking at each guy and wondering if he will be the one that pursues her. You cannot do that, you will go mad! Don't wait on a guy to pursue you, wait on God. Whenever you’re feeling frustrated over how long it is taking a guy to notice and pursue you, remember that God is in control of timing, of this guy’s heart, of everything. Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” Notice it says the man finds his wife, not the other way around. You as ladies do not know the right time, but God does. Wait on Him and trust him. You can rush into a dating relationship with the wrong guy and get pressured into many things that you are not comfortable with, things that your dad warned you about, but all your friends are doing it and you don't want to be the odd one out. Then things go wrong one peer pressure leads to another and you are stuck with this boy, this kid for the rest of your life, or one of many other horrible options.
Several statements from girls I've heard:
- "I keep thinking he might be the one but I can't think of being 'stuck' with him the rest of my life" - hold up! No one is forcing you to date or marry a guy. If you are not attracted to him just run away!! Stop making your life goal be a guy! Live your life to the fullest right now! Guys suck if they are not the right one!
- I've been praying for God to send me a guy and 'this guy' started showing me attention so I guess he is my answer to prayer". What?! In that statement she never mentions she met the most amazing man or she is so attracted to this man or loves spending time with this guy or anything like that but instead gives us the impression that she will marry this guy to obey God since she prayed and he started showing her attention.
I'm a believer and I love the Lord and seek His will. But this statement just seems crazy! And the first statement seems even more crazy. She says "I hope I'm not stuck with him....." No one is forcing you! It's not a kickball game in grade school where the dorkiest player gets picked last and your team is stuck with me! You were obligated to pick me in kickball but you are not obligated to marry me!! Dads, raise girls who know that!! Constantly convey to them the kind of man God has for them. Just wait!! The kind of respect the right guy will have for her. The things he will do for her and the things he will be willing to wait for.
A dad has a huge responsibility to set an example for the kind of guy he wants his daughter to marry. There are two types of guys in the world: Godly guys who respect you, put you first and bend over backward for you and ungodly guys who are looking for what they can get, disrespect and only look out for what's in it for them. Raise your daughter to desire and attract a godly guy. If she doesn't, it's daddy's fault! You had her whole life to work on it. Girls, listen to your dads in this, no matter how old fashioned they seem. You will thank them on your wedding day and thank them when you have daughters who are being raised by the godly man they attracted and they waited for!
Single girls and you doubtful daters, listen: Is he willing to work, does he bend over backwards for you, is he man enough to talk to your dad, is he man enough to ask you on a date and pay, does he love the Lord first and always, was he attracted to your Christian beauty or your short skirt? Answer those questioned and don't lower your standards!
Be a godly woman and a godly girl and it will attract a godly man. An ungodly man won't be attracted to you if you really love the Lord.
Mom, you don't get off without a warning. If you have daughters it's time to stop acting like a girl and more like a woman. Dress respectful!! Too many times Christian moms dress like I would never let my daughter dress! Husbands need to have the honor and respect from their wives to be able to talk to their wives about the influence they are having on their kids.
Girls: Don't pursue a boy; pursue God and He will provide the right one in His time! That's a guarantee!
Single girls and you doubtful daters, listen: Is he willing to work, does he bend over backwards for you, is he man enough to talk to your dad, is he man enough to ask you on a date and pay, does he love the Lord first and always, was he attracted to your Christian beauty or your short skirt? Answer those questioned and don't lower your standards!
Be a godly woman and a godly girl and it will attract a godly man. An ungodly man won't be attracted to you if you really love the Lord.
Mom, you don't get off without a warning. If you have daughters it's time to stop acting like a girl and more like a woman. Dress respectful!! Too many times Christian moms dress like I would never let my daughter dress! Husbands need to have the honor and respect from their wives to be able to talk to their wives about the influence they are having on their kids.
Girls: Don't pursue a boy; pursue God and He will provide the right one in His time! That's a guarantee!
Tuesday, February 02, 2016
Mary got it right
Luke 10:38-42
38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
In church recently between drawing a dinosaur for the 10th time and doing a color by number with my little dude I hear Luke 10:38 quoted and it perked my ears up and I thought to myself "Mary got it right". She was not being lazy or shirking her duties & responsibilities, she was simply choosing what is better. And the end of the verse ".... but few things are needed".
I think I come from a line of Martha's who can't sit down until ALL the work is done. And then when it's done we look around and try to find the little things that are there that bug us and clean those up. So many times I would neglect time with my children to do the dishes or run the sweeper or clean up the yard or garage. I could find a plethora of things to do thinking that as soon as I finish this chore I will sit down with the kids. Then 5 o'clock turns into 6 and 6 turns into 8 and then it's 8:30 and time to get the bedtime routine started. Many nights the chores and the things I thought were important were mundane cleaning or organizing, cleaning up clutter or doing yard work. Things that have no value when it comes to the spiritual welfare of my children. I could be sitting at the Master's feet, listening,, but instead I'm running here and there cleaning and doing chores in which Jesus said "few things are needed". When it comes to work at home or children we must choose children. I'm not saying that we no longer have to do chores or housework but that we should have a daily schedule and stick to it no matter what. It's a three-fold blessing- One you are setting aside a definite time with your kids for their sake, everyday. Two you are not risking running out of time for important things like Bible reading and prayer with them. Three you are conveying importance of things you choose for those times, like Bible reading, prayer, family time, game nights, movie nights and conversation.
If an evening came to an end and the rug was vacuumed and the windows washed but the kids did not get the Word read to them, I failed. And yes, the many nights that I failed make my heart burn in my chest. Mary got it right, she did not care that the preparations were not under way or the house was not as clean as it should be, she was sitting at Jesus' feet, listening. It's time we take the time to sit as Jesus' feet Bible open or kneel at His feet in prayer just listening to what he has to tell us. Reading to our kids or praying with them at night. And oh, by the way, that's another whole topic about how you pray and speak to your children. The words you use with your children are a huge factor in the development of them as little humans.
Make a plan. Here are some places to start with getting some Mary plans in the works regarding our kids. Got daughters? They are more fragile than boys. Dads, make plans for a one on one date night with your daughters at least once a month. Make a definite appoint to sit with your daughter every night, no exceptions, while she is in bed and let her talk, listen to what she has to say. Invite yourself in when she's little so you will still be invited in when she's a teenager. Moms, do girly stuff together. Crafts, dolls, sewing and anything else that is a girly thing to do. You have to guide them and help shape them into what little girls are supposed to be. If you don't , society will.
Boys? Make man time for them. Take them on a weekend trip once or twice a year, just dad and the boys. Fishing, camping or a convention about something they are into, a show or someplace they've been wanting to go to that requires a stay overnight or just make it require an overnight stay so you can get up and go out to breakfast. Your sons will only be young once. If we miss it now, it's gone forever. If we want them to have similar interests as ours we better start sharing our passion when they are 2, 3 or 4 and not try to get them interested when they are 16 and society and peer pressure already got them. All this said... be Mary, invest in spiritual things with your kids and your self. All this investment in your kids is listening to the Savior and really sitting and listening, like Mary.
The Martha in us would want to stop and get everything just right with the house and yard and projects, the work never ends. The Martha in us never stops working. We always find something to get upset about and something to take our time and energy instead of what really needs to be done instead of focusing on the Word and the Lord.
Mary got it right. I come from a line of Martha's that can't sit down and read if the dishes aren't done and can't play catch with the kids if ALL the work is not done. But Martha worried herself about unimportant things. Things that weren't needed. When we get invested in so much stuff that is not needed we try to cram it in our day and it only causes stress and stress causes a short temper,,,,, time to look at how Mary handled it, back up, sit down and listen. Jesus is waiting to teach if I would only listen. Too often we let the urgent take over what is truly needed. Spending time alone consistently with God and His word. Not once in awhile but consistently daily. As a Dad, a Christian and a husband there is a lot of unneeded things that can crowd out the truly important. With the Lord's help we can stop putting priority on the things that don't matter and focus on sitting at the feet of Jesus, listening, watching, reading and praying. With so many things and so many people vying for our time and our attention it is crucial to make time, prioritize and keep that time at the forefront of every day.
Mary did not stress over the things that 'needed' to be done, but instead sat and listened.
38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
In church recently between drawing a dinosaur for the 10th time and doing a color by number with my little dude I hear Luke 10:38 quoted and it perked my ears up and I thought to myself "Mary got it right". She was not being lazy or shirking her duties & responsibilities, she was simply choosing what is better. And the end of the verse ".... but few things are needed".
I think I come from a line of Martha's who can't sit down until ALL the work is done. And then when it's done we look around and try to find the little things that are there that bug us and clean those up. So many times I would neglect time with my children to do the dishes or run the sweeper or clean up the yard or garage. I could find a plethora of things to do thinking that as soon as I finish this chore I will sit down with the kids. Then 5 o'clock turns into 6 and 6 turns into 8 and then it's 8:30 and time to get the bedtime routine started. Many nights the chores and the things I thought were important were mundane cleaning or organizing, cleaning up clutter or doing yard work. Things that have no value when it comes to the spiritual welfare of my children. I could be sitting at the Master's feet, listening,, but instead I'm running here and there cleaning and doing chores in which Jesus said "few things are needed". When it comes to work at home or children we must choose children. I'm not saying that we no longer have to do chores or housework but that we should have a daily schedule and stick to it no matter what. It's a three-fold blessing- One you are setting aside a definite time with your kids for their sake, everyday. Two you are not risking running out of time for important things like Bible reading and prayer with them. Three you are conveying importance of things you choose for those times, like Bible reading, prayer, family time, game nights, movie nights and conversation.
If an evening came to an end and the rug was vacuumed and the windows washed but the kids did not get the Word read to them, I failed. And yes, the many nights that I failed make my heart burn in my chest. Mary got it right, she did not care that the preparations were not under way or the house was not as clean as it should be, she was sitting at Jesus' feet, listening. It's time we take the time to sit as Jesus' feet Bible open or kneel at His feet in prayer just listening to what he has to tell us. Reading to our kids or praying with them at night. And oh, by the way, that's another whole topic about how you pray and speak to your children. The words you use with your children are a huge factor in the development of them as little humans.
Make a plan. Here are some places to start with getting some Mary plans in the works regarding our kids. Got daughters? They are more fragile than boys. Dads, make plans for a one on one date night with your daughters at least once a month. Make a definite appoint to sit with your daughter every night, no exceptions, while she is in bed and let her talk, listen to what she has to say. Invite yourself in when she's little so you will still be invited in when she's a teenager. Moms, do girly stuff together. Crafts, dolls, sewing and anything else that is a girly thing to do. You have to guide them and help shape them into what little girls are supposed to be. If you don't , society will.
Boys? Make man time for them. Take them on a weekend trip once or twice a year, just dad and the boys. Fishing, camping or a convention about something they are into, a show or someplace they've been wanting to go to that requires a stay overnight or just make it require an overnight stay so you can get up and go out to breakfast. Your sons will only be young once. If we miss it now, it's gone forever. If we want them to have similar interests as ours we better start sharing our passion when they are 2, 3 or 4 and not try to get them interested when they are 16 and society and peer pressure already got them. All this said... be Mary, invest in spiritual things with your kids and your self. All this investment in your kids is listening to the Savior and really sitting and listening, like Mary.
The Martha in us would want to stop and get everything just right with the house and yard and projects, the work never ends. The Martha in us never stops working. We always find something to get upset about and something to take our time and energy instead of what really needs to be done instead of focusing on the Word and the Lord.
Mary got it right. I come from a line of Martha's that can't sit down and read if the dishes aren't done and can't play catch with the kids if ALL the work is not done. But Martha worried herself about unimportant things. Things that weren't needed. When we get invested in so much stuff that is not needed we try to cram it in our day and it only causes stress and stress causes a short temper,,,,, time to look at how Mary handled it, back up, sit down and listen. Jesus is waiting to teach if I would only listen. Too often we let the urgent take over what is truly needed. Spending time alone consistently with God and His word. Not once in awhile but consistently daily. As a Dad, a Christian and a husband there is a lot of unneeded things that can crowd out the truly important. With the Lord's help we can stop putting priority on the things that don't matter and focus on sitting at the feet of Jesus, listening, watching, reading and praying. With so many things and so many people vying for our time and our attention it is crucial to make time, prioritize and keep that time at the forefront of every day.
Mary did not stress over the things that 'needed' to be done, but instead sat and listened.
Sit and listen.
Taking care of our bodies
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As humans with a conscience we inherently take care of certain things. We don't dump motor oil in the river, we put most of our trash in the trash can, we never put harmful waste in the woods or a park, we take care of God's earth! Most of us would not think of polluting the environment on purpose. What about our lawn? Having a healthy green lawn is great but it doesn't happen all by itself! We need to feed it. We can grab any bag that says fertilizer. The wrong stuff will actually harm the lawn rather than help it. When we find the right stuff we still need to calculate the correct amount for the square footage we have otherwise we will think we are helping our lawn but in reality we are killing it!
With all that being true and probably 99% of world population agreeing why then do people take such poor care of there bodies? In Christian circles it can be taboo to talk about eating food because of its known benefits, qualities or its purity.
1 Corinthians 6:19 '...Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you ....'
This verse is in the bible in the context of sexual immorality and there is a lot of arguments about using it out of context only negates your point you are trying to make. But in this case just think of this verse, your body, who made your body and if God would tell you the exact same thing in reference to all parts of taking care of your body. There is a fine line between taking care of your body and vanity in my opinion. We can cut out harmful 'foods' from our diets or we can search high and low and buy special food with additional benefits,and its all a matter of our goals and intentions.
Going back to the motor oil in the river there is no argument that motor oil should never be dumped in the river or the city sewer system and in the same way there are items labeled food that should never pass our lips.
Take Aspartame for example. Aspartame is an artificial chemical sweetener found in foods and drinks. It is not natural in any sense. The FDA approved this chemical because "all the properties can be broken down by the body". Our bodies can break down news paper too........ There are over 85 different side effects and symptoms directly linked to aspartame starting with dizziness and in some cases death. I don't think anyone ever died from water, broccoli or a chicken wing.
So aspartame is one 'food' that is pretty serious and it is found in most diet soda and diet drinks. There are many other foods that make me wonder if Jesus were walking the earth if he would eat them. In Jesus day they didn't have all this heavily processed food. No white sugar, white flour etc. there was no packaged food filled with preservatives that would last him all 40 days in the desert. I believe as Christians we should read every food label and base our decision on what's inside. Can we pronounce all the ingredients? Do we know what all the ingredients are? Read all the ingredients, if we don't know what the are or how to pronounce them, put it back. Would we serve it to Jesus if he were with us? Would we give him a diet soda with aspartame or an iced tea with refined white sugar? Would we give him sweet potatoe casserole loaded with sugar and marshmallows? I think he would say no thank you.
In Genesis 1:29 God said "I give you every seed bearing plant , on the face of the earth, and every tree yielding seed; these are yours for food" then later in Acts 10:13 God told Peter to "kill and eat" referring to all the birds and animals. So we have all fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, animals, birds and fish to eat what more could we ask for. He did not say "take all I have given you and process the goodness out of it and add unnatural chemicals to it and eat it. He said "eat". Heavily processed foods are not good for our bodies, it's a fact. Sugar laden snacks and junk food is not considering your body the Holy Spirit's temple.
There are so many options out there when it comes to natural healthy foods that it seems insane that people would choose garbage like McDonald's or Tastykakes.
Some say that you are being phanatical about food if you make the effort to find healthy options, or that you shouldn't choose one food over another because one is the healthier option. That we should eat whatever we want and pray for God to bless it and make it nourishing to our bodies. I don't know about that! We can be specific when we protect every other created thing but not our bodies? The only thing that is created that's a temple of the Holy Spirit? Seems strange. I think people just want to continue to eat the garbage they have always eaten and disregard how God really wants them to eat.
The 'because we've always done it" argument doesn't hold water. Dumping oil in the river is not as appalling as intaking harmful chemicals or seriously processed foods that our bodies were not created to process.
Eating something because it's natural and healthy is not a human effort. Eating something to heal our body is. We will most likely feel a world of difference if you eat healthy and natural.
There are so many natural foods available that it's crazy not to take advantage of their availability and goodness! Nuts, seeds, fruits, vegetables etc. and hundreds of varieties!! All natural, all good, all healthy.
We all have a choice when it comes to the food we choose to eat. It's time to make an effort to eat right. Eat as Jesus would.
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
While I was away..
By the time I made it home, you were already in bed
Chubby cheek pressed to your a pillow by a bedtime book you read
And I noticed you looked older than you did yesterday
You’ve been growing up while I was away
You made a pile of leaves in the front yard, I guess it’s already fall
By the look of those pictures your mama took, the two of you had a ball
And It made me glad but a little sad to see those games you played
I missed a lot of smiles while I was away
And I found your note in the kitchen, it’s a real work of art
A stick man holding your stick hand with “Daddy” written in a heart
And it got me good cause I’ve understood what you meant to say
You’ve been missing me too while I was away
This dude is putting my worst fear into words! By nature, dads are more on the run than moms are with work every day and errands to run. Mom is around the house more and spends 2-3 times more time with kids. This song is really about working long and far away, but there can be many reasons why a dad does not see his kids grow up. His choice to work long hours is probably a big one, getting home after the kids are in bed and leaving before they wake. Dads are on the go so much with work and then they want to spend their weekends with hobbies and friends if not more work. We don't have to do that! Working 60-70 hours a week is not acceptable when we have children or wives. We need to learn to say no. Or change careers. I've read stories about Christian men who have changed careers to spend more time at home. Careers that did not require them to travel or stay away more than 8-9 hours a day. They took the pay cut or less hours and God blessed them over and over for making that right decision.
There is a panicky feeling that comes over me from time to time when I think that my little girl is now medium sized and will soon be my big girl. Or that my little dude will soon be too big to pick up and hold. Some may say he's too big to pick up now, but we don't! That's for sure. Some dads probably wish the day would not come when their daughters won't kiss them on the lips anymore, I fear the day my son won't. Innocence and love keeps the kisses coming. When I think about the hours there are in one week that my children are actually awake when im home.. about 5 hours each weekday how can anything else fit into that time? By the time dinner is done and any chore that needs my attention there is an hour or two left. I could selfishly take that time for myself or invest it in my children. Sometime we don't realize what a parent/child relationship really is. From day 1, we are obligated to invest in and perform maintenance on that relationship, and it never really ends. Every relationship requires maintenance to survive. Without it the relationship will eventually wither and die. Whether is a parent and child, husband and wife or plain old friends it has to be important enough to one party to keep the relationship going. We as parents may think that because we are their parent we will always be good. But if we fail to maintain that relationship, one day they will be at a critical point in their life and when we try to interject our thoughts their response is "Who do you think you are?" Whether we have 1 child or 10 we have the same obligation. I believe as parents we have the obligation to make each one of our children feel like a prized possession, a special child, loved beyond any doubt and to spend quality physical One that knows your top priority is spending time with them and that you look forward to your daily time with them each day without exception. Working til 9pm or all day Saturday cannot allow us with enough time to spend with them. There are many things that dads can do that can be called good and harmless but the deciding factor of those good and harmless things should be the impact on the kids and family as a whole. Not using the excuse that I am including one child so it's good. Any sacrifice ever made for the benefit of our children cannot be a bad one. If we as dads are doing something on a regular basis that's takes us from our family or causes dissention with our wife or kids, it's time to stop, evaluate our selfishness, and take the necessary actions. Nothing! no hobby, no career, no interest or way of life is worth missing a night or weekend with our children. Being home at a reasonable time on weekdays, spending time each night with each of our children and making sure we are home on weekends and not out with some selfish hobby is first priority for a Man of Integrity. Can I really go hunting, fishing, golfing, working or any selfish desire and still feel like a Man of integrity? The answer is a simple No. We may say that we voluntarily work every Saturday to provide for our families but that's total crap. You would be hard pressed to find one wife or child who would choose money over Dad on a Saturday or an evening. There is no excuse for not spending time with our family on a daily basis. Think of the many things in our daily life that we perform maintenance on, we fuel our car and do oil changes, fill our swimming pool, we wash the windows, cut the grass, drink water, charge our cell phones, sweep the floor and rake the leaves. The list is endless of things that we maintain on a regular basis because if we didn't all those things would just stop being useful to us and we'd neglect them and eventually just ignore them. Who wants to spend time in an overgrown yard with a swimming pool that has12" of green water in it? No one! So we maintain it daily so it's good to use. If we fail to perform daily maintenance on the relationship with our children or spouse, it will soon turn green and stagnant and will be avoided for the benefit of everyone. You can't ignore your swimming pool all summer and expect it to be crystal clear for your Labor Day pool party, in the same way you can't neglect spending quality time with your children daily and when you want to be the knight in shining armor at the time of crisis, wonder why things seem smelly and stagnant in your relationship! You lost that 10 years ago! Children don't change and walk out overnight. You've been forming and molding that rebel for the last 15 years so why is it a surprise?! There are no guarantees that children won't be influenced by the wrong person and led on a bad path. But there one thing is for sure. Equipping our children with Knowledge, Truth and Love is our best defense. Knowledge and truth are based on the Bible. Every family needs something to base what they call truth on otherwise you can end up with a 'because I said so' scenario which can easily cause rebellion in children as young as 2 or 3. Instilling in your children that the Bible is the infallible word of God at a young age is crucial to use it as the base of everything in life. Reading the Bible and praying with your children daily is how it all starts. As a parent you have to present the things you value and believe in as normal and true. Having the Bible as our rock and truth is our most valuable tool as a parent. Making our children fully aware of the Bible and it's truth is of the top priority, because everything else in their life is a reflection of how well their parents focused on that obligation. We can train and form our children into anything we want. Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it". That does not mean take them to church once a week and hope for the best. But it means to actively participate in the child's life with Bible based training and to actively think about and pray for your children throughout the day. When you make the choice to bring children into this world you are quietly stating to the world that you are willing going to sacrifice hobbies and other self serving extracurricular activities until your kids have grown. Forcing one of your kids to take up the same hobby as you as a means of justification does not work either. You will then find yourself spending most of your time with one and forget the 99. Focus on your Family and forget yourself; you will be on the right track. Working hard to make a dollar only makes us spend more frivolously anyway. We might use the excuse that I have mouths to feed and kids to dress so I need to work to pay for it. Do they really need new $100 jeans and the latest name in designer clothes?
One sure fire way to drive a wedge between parent and child is to have one way conversations. To tell a child what to do or not do without an in depth explanation is wrong on several levels. First of all it creates a wall where their should be communication. Second When you explain your decisions it conveys love. Someone once told me that their dad would just say things like "you can't do this or don't do that" and would never give an explanation even when they were asked for it by their kids. Taking the time to explain decisions to your children is very important, life slows down at that point, they look at you intently as you prove you are Dad instead of just barking orders and telling them you are their dad. Need to talk to your children, stop, hold their hands or their body, look at their eyes, make sure they are focused on you, then speak. They should continue to focus while you talk. Make sure you allow them to ask any questions they have and respond to every one. When it comes to our peers as adults I always say You can't learn anything while you are talking and the same goes for us and our children. Want to learn about your children? Shut up and listen. Sit by their bed for 15 minutes at night and listen to what they have to day. Whether it's about their hobby, a book they read, friends at school, a boyfriend or girlfriend............... You thought I meant only little kids?! Not at all, got a 15 year old? Sit in. But start that relationship once she starts talking, don't wait, time will pass by so fast it will make your head spin. As that little boy or girl gets older the conversation will change. From toys and stories to truth and life the conversations are endless. We only get one shot and it's something we cannot afford to mess up. Our child's life depends on it!
The older I get and the older my children get I'm more convinced that the control a parent has over the life their children live as they reach the adult age is great! It is hugely controlled by the choices a parent makes in those early years; Choices for dads such as where they choose to be or what they choose to do when they are home, Choices by parents about what they talk about in front of their kids, how critical they are about other people and the gossip their kids hear from them. A parent's daily life, no matter how extreme, is setting the standard as 'normal' for their kids to follow. What do we want our kids to see as normal? Seeing them only on the weekends because we book too much work and can't get it all done? A dad that has a hobby that takes him from his family every Saturday? Do we want normal to be for them to see me leave all the work at home to their mom and to see her struggle to hold it together because of that? I don't think so. The normal I want my kids to see is that their dad would sacrifice anything for them and their mom. I want them to know normal is that there is no distinction in work at home as to who's job it is, dad and mom share it all. Normal is kids have to see by example that I love their mom by the way I treat her, love her and respect her. My boys need to see by example that their dad loves their mom and they need to see how to do it right! Demonstrating love to their mom is teaching them what's normal. We can only demonstrate what we want our kids to see as normal, if we are there. Working late being gone on Saturday is a sure fire way to show we don't prioritize our children. Kids don't wait to be influenced. If we don't make them a priority, someone else will. TV, internet, bad influences the list goes on. It's not even a case of their peers having bad intentions, it's simply a matter of their dad being there to filter the junk they come home with each day! How could a dad not make that a priority! Are we that selfish and self centered that we'd leave our own children to the wolves to be raised? No matter what excuse we will make or what justification we come up with, if we are gone evenings and weekends, we voluntarily choose to neglect our kids leaving someone else to raise our kids and set the standard for them and we probably won't thank them.
I'm not saying that mom's can't raise children. Most moms do an exceptional job. But ask which ones would choose to do it without a legitimate dad in the picture.... none. Dad is a name that all dads must live up to. It's a tall order and big shoes to fill. It's not enough to just support them financially. Committing to a quantity of quality time is another story.
The older I get and the older my children get I'm more convinced that the control a parent has over the life their children live as they reach the adult age is great! It is hugely controlled by the choices a parent makes in those early years; Choices for dads such as where they choose to be or what they choose to do when they are home, Choices by parents about what they talk about in front of their kids, how critical they are about other people and the gossip their kids hear from them. A parent's daily life, no matter how extreme, is setting the standard as 'normal' for their kids to follow. What do we want our kids to see as normal? Seeing them only on the weekends because we book too much work and can't get it all done? A dad that has a hobby that takes him from his family every Saturday? Do we want normal to be for them to see me leave all the work at home to their mom and to see her struggle to hold it together because of that? I don't think so. The normal I want my kids to see is that their dad would sacrifice anything for them and their mom. I want them to know normal is that there is no distinction in work at home as to who's job it is, dad and mom share it all. Normal is kids have to see by example that I love their mom by the way I treat her, love her and respect her. My boys need to see by example that their dad loves their mom and they need to see how to do it right! Demonstrating love to their mom is teaching them what's normal. We can only demonstrate what we want our kids to see as normal, if we are there. Working late being gone on Saturday is a sure fire way to show we don't prioritize our children. Kids don't wait to be influenced. If we don't make them a priority, someone else will. TV, internet, bad influences the list goes on. It's not even a case of their peers having bad intentions, it's simply a matter of their dad being there to filter the junk they come home with each day! How could a dad not make that a priority! Are we that selfish and self centered that we'd leave our own children to the wolves to be raised? No matter what excuse we will make or what justification we come up with, if we are gone evenings and weekends, we voluntarily choose to neglect our kids leaving someone else to raise our kids and set the standard for them and we probably won't thank them.
I'm not saying that mom's can't raise children. Most moms do an exceptional job. But ask which ones would choose to do it without a legitimate dad in the picture.... none. Dad is a name that all dads must live up to. It's a tall order and big shoes to fill. It's not enough to just support them financially. Committing to a quantity of quality time is another story.
If a dad looks at his 16 year old girl who is living life all wrong, who is a mirror image of the world and wonders where it went so wrong... The answer is simple,"the moment you walked out the door instead of staying with her". Because it's a fact that she yearned for your attention when she was little. She waited for just a moment of your attention. If you had been paying attention you would have seen the sparkle in her eye! Look forward to seeing her everyday after work! Make your children feel like a million bucks, everyday! Do our kids fear our arrival or wait on the doorstep? Treat your daughters like the princess they are. Take them on dates whether they are 4 or 40 years old. As long as they live under your roof visit their bedroom after she's in and talk or more importantly, listen. Every night! Once a month take her on a date. Demonstrate how a boy should treat her, talk about it. Set an example for your boys of how they should treat a woman. By treating their mother and sisters with respect, we can show by example what a real man does. Talk about what's acceptable and what's not, explain the lifelong consequences of bad decisions. There are countless ideas, precepts and principles that we can teach our children on one condition, we cannot do it while we are away.
Compassionate, loving and caring people weren't born that way, something affected them and made an impression. If you know a person who is not loving or kind or has some other social awkwardness it is most likely a direct result of how their parents raised them and who was around.
Compassionate, loving and caring people weren't born that way, something affected them and made an impression. If you know a person who is not loving or kind or has some other social awkwardness it is most likely a direct result of how their parents raised them and who was around.
There is so much responsibility that a parent has and there are so many things to do and teach our kids every day that if done correctly and responsibly there would be no time left for anything else in our lives. It's time to take inventory of our time, how we have allotted the minutes we are given each day. Do our kids take last priority? It would probably shock most dads to write down the hours in a day and list how they spent each minute of the day. What percentage would kids get? 2%? 5% Dads who spend an hour a day focused on their kids spend less than 5% of their life with their kids. That's a horrible thought. And even though we may think we are beyond that, think about the amount of direct one-on-one time, uninterrupted, cell phone free time we have with our kids. Maybe it's even less than 5%! We can reverse the cycle if we only be there.
One of my biggest fears is one day there will be a ..... 'While I was away' moment.
And for every dollar I earn there’s a lesson you learn without me there
And every day I’m on the go, I’m praying that you know your daddy cared
Cause the hardest part about working hard ain’t about the bills I gotta pay
It’s you growing up while I was away
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