While I was away..

By the time I made it home, you were already in bed

Chubby cheek pressed to your a pillow by a bedtime book you read

And I noticed you looked older than you did yesterday

You’ve been growing up while I was away

You made a pile of leaves in the front yard, I guess it’s already fall

By the look of those pictures your mama took, the two of you had a ball

And It made me glad but a little sad to see those games you played

I missed a lot of smiles while I was away

And I found your note in the kitchen, it’s a real work of art

A stick man holding your stick hand with “Daddy” written in a heart

And it got me good cause I’ve understood what you meant to say

You’ve been missing me too while I was away

  

This dude is putting my worst fear into words! By nature, dads are more on the run than moms are with work every day and errands to run. Mom is around the house more and spends 2-3 times more time with kids. This song is really about working long and far away, but there can be many reasons why a dad does not see his kids grow up. His choice to work long hours is probably a big one, getting home after the kids are in bed and leaving before they wake. Dads are on the go so much with work and then they want to spend their weekends with hobbies and friends if not more work. We don't have to do that! Working 60-70 hours a week is not acceptable when we have children or wives. We need to learn to say no. Or change careers. I've read stories about Christian men who have changed careers to spend more time at home. Careers that did not require them to travel or stay away more than 8-9 hours a day. They took the pay cut or less hours and God blessed them over and over for making that right decision.

There is a panicky feeling that comes over me from time to time when I think that my little girl is now medium sized and will soon be my big girl. Or that my little dude will soon be too big to pick up and hold. Some may say he's too big to pick up now, but we don't! That's for sure. Some dads probably wish the day would not come when their daughters won't kiss them on the lips anymore, I fear the day my son won't. Innocence and love keeps the kisses coming. When I think about the hours there are in one week that my children are actually awake when im home.. about 5 hours each weekday how can anything else fit into that time? By the time dinner is done and any chore that needs my attention there is an hour or two left. I could selfishly take that time for myself or invest it in my children. Sometime we don't realize what a parent/child relationship really is. From day 1, we are obligated to invest in and perform maintenance on that relationship, and it never really ends. Every relationship requires maintenance to survive. Without it the relationship will eventually wither and die. Whether is a parent and child, husband and wife or plain old friends it has to be important enough to one party to keep the relationship going. We as parents may think that because we are their parent we will always be good. But if we fail to maintain that relationship, one day they will be at a critical point in their life and when we try to interject our thoughts their response is "Who do you think you are?" Whether we have 1 child or 10 we have the same obligation. I believe as parents we have the obligation to make each one of our children feel like a prized possession, a special child, loved beyond any doubt and to spend quality physical  One that knows your top priority is spending time with them and that you look forward to your daily time with them each day without exception. Working til 9pm or all day Saturday cannot allow us with enough time to spend with them.  There are many things that dads can do that can be called good and harmless but the deciding factor of those good and harmless things should be the impact on the kids and family as a whole. Not using the excuse that I am including one child so it's good. Any sacrifice ever made for the benefit of our children cannot be a bad one. If we as dads are doing something on a regular basis that's takes us from our family or causes dissention with our wife or kids, it's time to stop, evaluate our selfishness, and take the necessary actions. Nothing! no hobby, no career, no interest or way of life is worth missing a night or weekend with our children. Being home at a reasonable time on weekdays, spending time each night with each of our children and making sure we are home on weekends and not out with some selfish hobby is first priority for a Man of Integrity. Can I really go hunting, fishing, golfing, working or any selfish desire and still feel like a Man of integrity? The answer is a simple No. We may say that we voluntarily work every Saturday to provide for our families but that's total crap. You would be hard pressed to find one wife or child who would choose money over Dad on a Saturday or an evening. There is no excuse for not spending time with our family on a daily basis. Think of the many things in our daily life that we perform maintenance on, we fuel our car and do oil changes, fill our swimming pool, we wash the windows, cut the grass, drink water, charge our cell phones, sweep the floor and rake the leaves. The list is endless of things that we maintain on a regular basis because if we didn't all those things would just stop being useful to us and we'd neglect them and eventually just ignore them. Who wants to spend time in an overgrown yard with a swimming pool that has12" of green water in it? No one! So we maintain it daily so it's good to use. If we fail to perform daily maintenance on the relationship with our children or spouse, it will soon turn green and stagnant and will be avoided for the benefit of everyone. You can't ignore your swimming pool all summer and expect it to be crystal clear for your Labor Day pool party, in the same way you can't neglect spending quality time with your children daily and when you want to be the knight in shining armor at the time of crisis, wonder why things seem smelly and stagnant in your relationship! You lost that 10 years ago! Children don't change and walk out overnight. You've been forming and molding that rebel for the last 15 years so why is it a surprise?! There are no guarantees that children won't be influenced by the wrong person and led on a bad path. But there one thing is for sure. Equipping our children with Knowledge, Truth and Love is our best defense. Knowledge and truth are based on the Bible. Every family needs something to base what they call truth on otherwise you can end up with a 'because I said so' scenario which can easily cause rebellion in children as young as 2 or 3. Instilling in your children that the Bible is the infallible word of God at a young age is crucial to use it as the base of everything in life. Reading the Bible and praying with your children daily is how it all starts. As a parent you have to present the things you value and believe in as normal and true. Having the Bible as our rock and truth is our most valuable tool as a parent. Making our children fully aware of the Bible and it's truth is of the top priority, because everything else in their life is a reflection of how well their parents focused on that obligation. We can train and form our children into anything we want. Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it". That does not mean take them to church once a week and hope for the best. But it means to actively participate in the child's life with Bible based training and to actively think about and pray for your children throughout the day. When you make the choice to bring children into this world you are quietly stating to the world that you are willing going to sacrifice hobbies and other self serving extracurricular activities until your kids have grown. Forcing one of your kids to take up the same hobby as you as a means of justification does not work either. You will then find yourself spending most of your time with one and forget the 99. Focus on your Family and forget yourself; you will be on the right track. Working hard to make a dollar only makes us spend more frivolously anyway. We might use the excuse that I have mouths to feed and kids to dress so I need to work to pay for it. Do they really need new $100 jeans and the latest name in designer clothes? 

One sure fire way to drive a wedge between parent and child is to have one way conversations. To tell a child what to do or not do without an in depth explanation is wrong on several levels. First of all it creates a wall where their should be communication. Second When you explain your decisions it conveys love. Someone once told me that their dad would just say things like "you can't do this or don't do that" and would never give an explanation even when they were asked for it by their kids. Taking the time to explain decisions to your children is very important, life slows down at that point, they look at you intently as you prove you are Dad instead of just barking orders and telling them you are their dad. Need to talk to your children, stop, hold their hands or their body, look at their eyes, make sure they are focused on you, then speak. They should continue to focus while you talk. Make sure you allow them to ask any questions they have and respond to every one. When it comes to our peers as adults I always say You can't learn anything while you are talking and the same goes for us and our children. Want to learn about your children? Shut up and listen. Sit by their bed for 15 minutes at night and listen to what they have to day. Whether it's about their hobby, a book they read, friends at school, a boyfriend or girlfriend............... You thought I meant only little kids?! Not at all, got a 15 year old? Sit in. But start that relationship once she starts talking, don't wait, time will pass by so fast it will make your head spin. As that little boy or girl gets older the conversation will change. From toys and stories to truth and life the conversations are endless. We only get one shot and it's something we cannot afford to mess up. Our child's life depends on it!
The older I get and the older my children get I'm more convinced that the control a parent has over the life their children live as they reach the adult age is great! It is hugely controlled by the choices a parent makes in those early years; Choices for dads such as where they choose to be or what they choose to do when they are home, Choices by parents about what they talk about in front of their kids, how critical they are about other people and the gossip their kids hear from them. A parent's daily life, no matter how extreme, is setting the standard as 'normal' for their kids to follow. What do we want our kids to see as normal? Seeing them only on the weekends because we book too much work and can't get it all done? A dad that has a hobby that takes him from his family every Saturday? Do we want normal to be for them to see me leave all the work at home to their mom and to see her struggle to hold it together because of that? I don't think so. The normal I want my kids to see is that their dad would sacrifice anything for them and their mom. I want them to know normal is that there is no distinction in work at home as to who's job it is, dad and mom share it all. Normal is kids have to see by example that I love their mom by the way I treat her, love her and respect her. My boys need to see by example that their dad loves their mom and they need to see how to do it right! Demonstrating love to their mom is teaching them what's normal. We can only demonstrate what we want our kids to see as normal, if we are there. Working late being gone on Saturday is a sure fire way to show we don't prioritize our children. Kids don't wait to be influenced. If we don't make them a priority, someone else will. TV, internet, bad influences the list goes on. It's not even a case of their peers having bad intentions, it's simply a matter of their dad being there to filter the junk they come home with each day! How could a dad not make that a priority! Are we that selfish and self centered that we'd leave our own children to the wolves to be raised? No matter what excuse we will make or what justification we come up with, if we are gone evenings and weekends, we voluntarily choose to neglect our kids leaving someone else to raise our kids and set the standard for them and we probably won't thank them.
I'm not saying that mom's can't raise children. Most moms do an exceptional job. But ask which ones would choose to do it without a legitimate dad in the picture.... none. Dad is a name that all dads must live up to. It's a tall order and big shoes to fill. It's not enough to just support them financially. Committing to a quantity of quality time is another story. 

If a dad looks at his 16 year old girl who is living life all wrong, who is a mirror image of the world and wonders where it went so wrong...  The answer is simple,"the moment you walked out the door instead of staying with her". Because it's a fact that she yearned for your attention when she was little. She waited for just a moment of your attention. If you had been paying attention you would have seen the sparkle in her eye! Look forward to seeing her everyday after work! Make your children feel like a million bucks, everyday! Do our kids fear our arrival or wait on the doorstep? Treat your daughters like the princess they are. Take them on dates whether they are 4 or 40 years old. As long as they live under your roof visit their bedroom after she's in and talk or more importantly, listen. Every night! Once a month take her on a date. Demonstrate how a boy should treat her, talk about it. Set an example for your boys of how they should treat a woman. By treating their mother and sisters with respect, we can show by example what a real man does. Talk about what's acceptable and what's not, explain the lifelong consequences of bad decisions. There are countless ideas, precepts and principles that we can teach our children on one condition, we cannot do it while we are away.
  Compassionate, loving and caring people weren't born that way, something affected them and made an impression. If you know a person who is not loving or kind or has some other social awkwardness it is most likely a direct result of how their parents raised them and who was around. 

There is so much responsibility that a parent has and there are so many things to do and teach our kids every day that if done correctly and responsibly there would be no time left for anything else in our lives. It's time to take inventory of our time, how we have allotted the minutes we are given each day. Do our kids take last priority? It would probably shock most dads to write down the hours in a day and list how they spent each minute of the day. What percentage would kids get? 2%? 5%  Dads who spend an hour a day focused on their kids spend less than 5% of their life with their kids. That's a horrible thought. And even though we may think we are beyond that, think about the amount of direct one-on-one time, uninterrupted, cell phone free time we have with our kids. Maybe it's even less than 5%! We can reverse the cycle if we only be there. 

One of my biggest fears is one day there will be a ..... 'While I was away' moment. 

And for every dollar I earn there’s a lesson you learn without me there

And every day I’m on the go, I’m praying that you know your daddy cared

Cause the hardest part about working hard ain’t about the bills I gotta pay

It’s you growing up while I was away

Hoping we won't pass him by....

It seems so easy to turn away and make judgements of the homeless or people asking for money. We like to think they got a dollar from the other guy so they don't need mine. We aren't called to ignore or pass them by. If we truly believed what the Bible says, we'd be shelling out Benjamins at the corner. 100 fold reward for giving..?? How can we not want to give? What are we teaching our kids when we reach into our change bin in the car instead of our wallet? What are we teaching our kids when we search frantically for a single instead of thinking of his needs and our reward? What a teaching moment it is each time you see someone asking for a dime. Our response should be, "spare change?! how bout a dollar, how bout 2?" We tend to be so greedy and want to hold on to every cent we can get our hands on.

One of the biggest mistakes we could make as parents, one that has lifelong effects is forgetting our kids are watching when we choose to respond wrong, react wrong and express wrong attitudes toward others. Pulling up to a red light seeing a man with a sign a few lanes over, kids in the backseat..... it's time to make a decision. How do we handle this situation? Easy, ignore it, hope they don't make it to our car before the light changes and we can drive off. If the kids noticed (which they did) you have an out, the light changed. By our actions we are shaping our children's attitudes, thought processes, compassion (or lack thereof), how to respond and react, how to ignore or seek out. We could spend our years as parents with young kids selfishly looking our for ourselves, showing by example how to ignore those in need if we don't want to be bothered and then when we are the ones in need, wonder why our kids are so good at ignoring us. We need to have the foresight to teach and prepare our children for every future, whether its 10 minutes or 10 years away. When we make the choice to have children and don't make the decision to sacrifice ALL for them, we fail. We fail our children and ourselves. As we have heard "Children did not ask to be brought into this world". We chose to bring them into this world and now have a lifelong responsibility. Our success or failure with our kids will be evident to us for life. They will be what we train them to be, what we demonstrate as 'normal'.   It's time to do a 180. Instead of trying to avoid, searching for a dime or a dollar,.... seek them out. Prepare for them. But oh, we have a short week, we don't have anything to spare. Jesus didn't say give from your excess. Who doesn't have a dime or a dollar in the car. A respected person once said to me "..... but make sure you don't judge them for not giving because you never know anyone's private situation...." that's correct, we don't. But if we were honest with ourselves we would prepare and never pass a person in need without giving something. And I don't mean the person with a sign that happens to make it to your window before the light changes, I mean the person we see in public that we think could use a hello, a dollar or a sandwich. We should 'seek out' those who need our help. They could be angels, they could be sent here to test us or they could simply want a sandwich! Not only strangers but what about our own families? If we know that there is a need in our family and we ignore it............................


Who could say that we haven't been helped when we needed it?

Christmas is so full of giving and getting and accumulating things that we really don't need. We pile things on our friends and family who already have too much and forget those who really need.

Should you stop?, better not, much too busy
You're in a hurry, my how time does fly
In the distance the ringing of laughter
And in the midst of the laughter he cries

If we call ourselves Christians and ignore the needy, something is wrong. 

Everything we do when eyes are watching is worthless, it's what we do when no one is watching that truly matters. 

Giving to those who could never repay. 

Doing all our good deeds in private. 

Never a mention of what we've done. 

I think we will be a little closer to what Jesus wants when we really hurt for those hurting and cry for those crying....... and do something about it.  

Do you have the time?

It seems that the most sought after thing in this life is time..  and everything else comes from it. Some give it, some take it, some borrow it, some steal it. 
Monday on our way out to our annual Memorial Day picnic I stopped at the store for a coffee and a gentleman out front held the door for me on the way in and while I was in there he came in and got a coffee. When I was leaving the store he spoke again and commented on the day and wished me a good day. I was heading over to the trash can so I said what I say to any person who looks like they may need something "How are you doing? Do you need anything?" He got what almost looked like embarrassment and said "I could use some money". He went on to tell me about his trade and his injury and how he could not work right now. I think he talked for 5-6 minutes and his face changed and brightened up with each minute he talked. He almost he a little giddy-up in his speech like he wanted to tell more.  When he was finished I had a new appreciation for the health and well being that I enjoy and said a prayer for him. I commented that he had a positive attitude and that was good to see. It seemed to brighten his day that not only was he not ignored as he is probably so used to but actually listened to.I don't know his whole story but I gave him what everyone has, Time.
Children have an intense desire and need to be heard. Not only does it help develop their communication skills but it helps secure that bond between you and your children. Take my 5 year old daughter for instance, she can talk for an hour and when I take the time to stoop down to her level seeing eye to eye, I hold her hands or put my arms around her, it's telling her that I am not only interested but I am abandoning my world and coming into hers and I'm hers for those minutes that she wants to talk. Touching her face or arms while she talks makes that physical connection between her and I. I believe making skin contact with your children in a loving way is very important to developing caring loving individuals. They only do what they see demonstrated in the home. Kids don't walk away because they were loved. We don't get to choose what version or degree of love holds a child from walking away or if it even is that.  Time, Energy and Love are three vitally important aspects of a parent child relationship. You don't get to give them the leftovers of your time, energy and love and just hope its enough. And you don't get to just give them one of the 3 and hope they turn out. They need first priority time. Dads, when we get home from work we don't get to relax with no interruptions until dinner and then go out for sports and come home late. Maybe your projects will sit on the list for months or your hobbies and sports will suffer. Your home may be a mess or hobbies still in the box but time spent with children is time well spent. They need first priority energy. Whether its sports or games with the kids or homework we owe it to them to be prepared and give them the energy and dedication they require. If you have those interests or hobbies that mean a lot to you I believe its ok to get your kids interested and share that interest. But don't forget that your kids will be into it at a whole different level that you are. They will mess it up and make mistakes and if you are super particular and attentive to detail like I am, that raises another level of learning as it does for me. But, be ready to let your children walk away if they are ready or lose interest. What I mean is that if one child is into gardening and then wants to walk away for a few days, it's ok. Dad is still into it and that's what brings them back. We may want our kids to have the same hobbies as us so we can continue, but if they don't want to do it, it's ok. We have to hone who they 'are', not who we want them to be. We can plant and we can water but we can't force them to grow.  We are making an investment in our child's future and there is no other time than this to do it. Don't be that parent that regretfully says "She's 15?? where is my 4 year old I had 'yesterday'?" Try to get your 15 year old that you neglected to sit on your lap or kiss you on the lips! It's probably not happening. My 5 year old daughter refuses to kiss me on the cheek because she says girls always kiss their dad on the lips.  Time flies. It really does. If I am not spending a majority of my time with the kids I feel as though I'm doing them a disservice. Teaching, loving, correcting and guiding them is Top Priority if we don't want regrets later on in life. Parenting is a 24/7 job that never quits. Don't ever give up on teaching and correcting because one day, one time  you will see them remember what you've been reminding them for so long and it will be worth it.
Have you ever let your children ask the Blessing at a meal or pray for protection on a trip or pray in general when going to bed or getting up in the morning? They have faith to be envied. My 4 year old son once prayed at dinner time "Jesus please give us a lot of food and not a lot of bad stuff". How precious is that. When leaving a day trip my 5 year old daughter prayed for the ride home, she asked for protection, asked the Lord to provide and thanked him for the fun day we had and then asked the Lord to send someone in need to us so we can help them with food or money".  Listen when they pray. Listen when they read. listen when they talk. Listen when they interact with each other. It is a precious thing to be able to listen in to your child's conversations. Stop, eavesdrop on them. Listen to the beauty in their voices, the genuine tone in their voices when they play together. If they fight, when they fight don't just break it up and punish, talk it out let them tell their story and guide them into talking it out with each other and end it with them apologizing and forgiving. You are guiding them to a natural response to conflict with each other is to apologize, work it out, forgive and hug.
When you talk to your children don't fall into the habit that so many parents do and treat them like babies in the way you talk and converse with them. Give them purpose give them reason. Standing tall and talking down to them, barking at them does nothing for their self esteem or confidence. Stoop down, hold their hands and make a connection. interact!
People in general need time! You may have a friend that doesn't talk and borders on recluse. But were you around them when they came out of their shell and talked? Did their face brighten and did they get that pep in their attitude? People need other people's attention and time. Have you ever had that conversation where you feel that after 30 minutes you talked for 3 minutes? Sometime people like to hear themselves talk. Next time you are having a conversation take note of how many times you cut off the other person and how much time each talks. Be the one who lets the other one talk. "You can't learn anything while you are talking" Sometime it can make another feel validated, that someone cared enough to listen to what they had to say.
Time seems like it's so valuable and so sought after but it really does not cost anything, when it comes to time no one is rich or poor and no one has a ton of it in the bank. But the funny thing is,,, a lot of times its more valuable than any amount of money.
Kids need it, friends need it, parents and grand parents need it, everyone needs a little bit of it and we have it to give. Couple that up with a handshake, a hug, a kiss on the cheek or the words 'I love you' and you got enough to make someone's day or change their life. You really don't know what's going on in another's mind, it might be just what they needed. Time.

If you could see me now

I drove to Reading Terminal Market on a recent Saturday morning before the kids woke up, and it reminded me of the little amount of time I actually spend alone with no other people. When I am alone and driving like that I seem to always think of my dad. Maybe it's the country music I have on that brings up those thoughts. I often wonder what life would be like if he and Mom were still here. It's been almost 19 years but I still feel like that 19 year old kid when I think about them. On my way down this morning the song "If you could see me now" (Jeff Bates) came on. Now I know this is a song about losing a baby, but it made me think to myself , "What if they could see me now, what if they could be here now, what if they could talk to me now, what would that be"? And my mind was flooded with thoughts and my eyes with tears. If I could speak to my dad and mom for a few minutes these are a few of the things I think i'd say. If you could see me now I would hope that you'd be proud Dad.  Proud of the young man that you raised, leading by example to love his wife and children unconditionally like you love my Momma. And to love the Lord and fear God. If you could see me now I wonder if we'd still play tennis once a week after dinner like we used to or hang out when doing odd jobs and fixing things. And, Dad, man you have no idead (or maybe you do) how extremely beneficial those countless hours of hanging out with you when you worked on things and fixed things really paid off in teaching me to fix things, repair things and do whatever needs to be done. Your diligence to figure problems out when something needed to be fixed has taught me well. It kills me to not know the relationship you could have with my children. It is one of those few things that just doesn't seem right. But they know you, they really do, I often talk about you both and will say things like "Grandmom would have said "This" or Granddad would have done "That" and they really do know you as much as I could hope for right now. They know about your scratchy face, dad, from your stubble growing back in. and how you used to scrunch your cheek up when we came to give you a kiss. They also know that I never got too old to kiss you on the cheek and they know that I never regretted that! They know that the last thing I did to both of you was give you a kiss before you went to be with the Lord. They know they  are never too old for a hug and kiss for mom or dad. Dad, they know of all the times you read about Brer Bear and Brer Rabbit in the voice you did. Mom, they talk about you as tho they knew you and like its just a little while til they will really meet you. Mom , Dad, if you could see me now, you'd be happy at the nice girl I was blessed to marry. Dad, she's just the kind of girl you said I'd meet if I waited for the right one. You would love her. She's compassionate and loving, she loves and respects me and more importantly loves the Lord! Mom, if you could see me now you'd see my wife is a lot like you. She respects and honors me like you did for Daddy. That was a quality I admired as a young man and so blessed to have it in my wife.
If you could see me now you'd see a young man that misses his dad and mom as much today as I did almost 19 years ago. It seems so wrong but I often wonder what I'd be like if you were still here. Would life have put me on a different path and I not be living the life I am now? We will never know.

There are a million questions and a million unknowns, but I can say this, that if I could see you now Dad, I wrap my arms around and hug your neck, I'd kiss your scratchy face as you scrunched up your cheek. Mom I can still picture that Saturday the last time I saw you. You stood by the piano getting ready to leave for a day trip, I kissed your cheek and said goodbye. That picture is burned in my memory Mom, that kiss on the cheek and that goodbye.

So in all that has taken place in the last 20 years, I hope that if you could see me now you'd be proud. I try Dad, I really do. I know what great relationships are and I have what I'd consider some great relationships but can't imagine what it would be like to still have you and mom.

If you could see me now....

Daughters

If you are a dad and you have a daughter, consider yourself truly blessed. But don't stop there. If she is still little, it is time to take action, and never stop. My oldest daughter is just over 5 years old and she looks at me with stars in her eyes. I am the luckiest man alive when my daughter looks at me or caresses my face while she talks to me. But now I have another one, I am the richly blessed dad of a brand new baby girl. As I looked at her lying on the bed last night, with tears in my eyes, I told my wife, "I love her so much". I am the father of 4, and with each one came a very unique experience unlike each one before. My first daughter, 5 years ago, turned my world upside down. But it was just my wife and I with our daughter. I have had 5 years to learn and experience what a daughter can do to and for me. So I enter into this new part of my life with another daughter armed with all this knowledge and experiences and it wants to bring me to my knees just knowing what great blessings are in store for me. My daughter knows she will never be too old or too big to sit on my lap, to hug and kiss me or to have my time. No amount of money or gifts is worth more to our children as our time is. I am a work in progress and learning every day. I am thankful for Godly men in my life to lead by quiet example on how a real father, husband and man of God should live. As a family man we live a life of sacrifices but when looked at in a broad sense they are really not sacrifices but investments in our child's life. If you have a daughter, do like I do, don't go 24 hours without telling her you love her. My daughter has heard those words from me every day for the last 5 years and it's a commitment I will keep as long as the Lord gives us days. I tell my children that the best thing you can ever say is "i love you too" because that means someone else already said "I love you". With God's help you can raise the most compassionate and loving children if you choose to put in the time. Put aside your wants and desires and remember where your priorities really start. Too many fathers are blessed with daughters and live their life their way, their daughters grow up and at age 12 or 13 think they need to have a boyfriend or need to go out 2 or 3 nights a week with friends. They are embarrassed to be around their parents. A lot of parents write that off as 'it's just a phase' or 'teenagers' instead of taking responsibility for their mistakes. Children,, daughters need love from their dad. When I get home from work, my daughter usually has something waiting for me that she made for me and she would sit with me and read or watch a movie if we wanted. She enjoys spending that time with me. My wife tells me that my daughter looks forward to Saturday because her dad will be home. Last night the song "butterfly kisses" came on and my daughter came over and sat on my lap and looked in my eyes while it played. She had such kind eyes and pure love for me. it is moments like this that floor me. Daughters are amazing. Just tonight I was having a conversation with my 5 year old daughter, I told her how luck I was to have her love me. She replied, "All dads are lucky". But little does she know that not all dads are present in their daughter's lives enough to really enjoy that love. I know someone who once told me after have 3 kids (all grown now) they can remember the 1 and only time they changed a diaper. They've told me of the countless hours of work they put in, working 12-15 hours a day and part of every Saturday. What is left to show for it? Is any extra work, any overtime or any achievement at work worth missing time with your children. I believe we have a right to work 40 hours a week and trust for God to provide. Daughters need their dad. They need dads to love them, if you don't they will find someone else and usually at a young age. If a dad is not around to fulfill that need for a mans love in their daughters life she will find someone else to do that. And usually starting at a young age. That will surprise and sometime anger a father who will at that point try to step into his daughter's life and be the 'man' that he should be. But who can blame her if her reaction is "Now you want to come into my life? where have you been over the last 15 years?". A father cannot expect to drop by in his daughter's life from time to time and then be that big man only at key points in her life. He has to keep that relationship going from the time of birth right on through where ever life takes them. How often do fathers sit and talk to their daughters and listen to what they have to say. Even fathers that are involved with their daughters..... do they listen or is it always talking and preaching. Listen, sit, love and enjoy their company. Go out once a month with just one daughter, make it a date night and make it about her. Sit and talk over an ice cream sundae or wings and get to know her a little more. Earn her love and trust from when she is an infant so that when she is old enough and mature enough to desire a boyfriend it is most important to her the he loves God and is approved by her dad. Can you imagine being one of those dads that just 'finds out' his daughter has a boyfriend? oh, and she's only 16! Be her father but also be her friend. There is something special about the unconditional love of a daughter. Actively love that girl. Demonstrate what true respectful and selfless love is by loving her mother just like you want a boy to love her. Show her by example how a guy should act and what is acceptable. I can remember my Dad always loving my mom and never arguing where we could see or hear them. They never debated or corrected each other and always looked out for each other. My mom never complained about my dad to anyone. My dad was always ready and willing to help and do what needed to be done. They set great examples for us to follow and I believe it is now my turn to keep that cycle going. The flame has been passed and it's my turn to show my children, with God's help, how to be the father we are called to be. Love your daughters.

INSTA-gratification-GRAM

If we got to the bottom, really got honest answers from people of why they share what they do, it would probably not only surprise the hearer but also the speaker as well. Think about it. You go to work and share stories about your life with co-workers, you see people at social gatherings and share. What are you sharing? Do you have young kids and you share their successes and awesomeness with people, did you have an accomplishment that you are sharing with people. Most times it is bringing recognition to oneself. Take social media for example, scroll through your instagram feed and you will see post after post after hundreds of posts of people putting up photos that somehow compete with someone else. People post their holiday photos of where they went and who they are with, how much fun it is. They let the world know how big their Christmas tree is and photos of the kids cutting it down. Because if we take the time to go to a tree farm and cut it down we must tell the world that we did it so the world knows we have a tradition and it possibly makes the ones who just ran down the corner without the kids feel sub-par. We post everything. Our kids hair cuts. Who cares? Our kids first day of school. Who cares? Why do people feel the overwhelming need to tell the world their every step in life? Doesn't anyone have private moments anymore?? Christmas morning the feed is packed with videos and photos of kids opening their gifts. STOP people. Watch your children and treasure that in your heart. If your kids look great when you are going out, sure, take a photo. But if you decide to post on IG, what is the driving force behind that? To get compliments about your kids and validate the parent or give that parent the satisfaction that people think your kids are good looking. It is fishing for compliments. Posting photos of one self on IG, c'mon people, if that is not vanity and pride what is it? Posting a photo of yourself on IG and waiting for the compliments and likes. You would be lying if you said it would not make much difference to you if you received 5 likes or 100 likes or 1 comment or 100 comments. That difference would sadden you or puff you up. That is a fact. If your husband sends you flowers........ let it be a private intimate thing!! Once you share that with the world via social media you have diluted the specialness of it and now it is just a tool to fish for compliments for you and him. How great he is how thoughtful how awesome he is etc. Let your private moments be private moments, don't ruin them by sharing on social media. Happy birthday wishes.... really? You live with this person, why would you post a happy birthday wish on IG when you woke up next to them this morning? What is the reason behind it? Soliciting for kind words for them and birthday wishes. If a person does not know its my birthday i'm fine with that. You shouldn't need someone to tell the world it's your birthday so they can then wish you a good birthday. If your kids are reading the Bible or praying or bike riding, crafting, watching a movie, playing, etc. and it is a special moment, sure we all think to take a photo, we all carry cameras. But when it goes from taking a photo to treasure the moment and look back later in life, or hurrying to post it to the world.. what's the motivation? competition. We compete to see who can post the best photos of our kids, who can post the best sunsets, etc. We post things daily because we get a high from all the comments and likes. If we didn't get comments or likes would we still do it? Sure we say yes now, if we said no, it would be vain. Sure we read this and get a little bit angry and say it doesn't relate to me. But it does. How many of us check out certain posts to see how man likes or comments it got? If we say we never did that we lie. It's human nature seek approval and validation even if it is subconscious and today we can do that with no social interaction and little or no effort. If you go on vacation, go, enjoy it, stop the live feed of everything you do. Is it to let the world know you are having a good time, make those less fortunate feel more bad, convince yourself you are having fun, let the world know what you provided for your family or just feeding an addiction? Sure, take photos of your vacation, it would be foolish not to, everyone likes to reminisce later, but let it be a personal thing, a family thing. Ok, so your parents are gone, passed on, no longer with us. I get that. Mine are too. Any mention of that on social media can only be a cry for attention, a plea for comfort and wanting another wave of "I'm sorry" from everyone. If it is your mom or dad's birthday or the day they died... treasure it and remember them, but a mention on social media is a cry for attention. And, btw, they probably don't have Instagram in heaven, so posting a photo of a loved one who has passed and writing a letter to them probably won't be read or commented on by that person. So what is the reason behind that kind of post? To tell or convince people that we had the best relationship with that person or how much we loved them how much we miss them. Even doing those things in person seems cheesy and cheap like we are soliciting hugs or condolences........ We compete and deny it. compete by posting the nice things our spouse does for us. Compete by posting the things are kids do well. Compete by posting our kids performances and accomplishments. Compete by posting sayings and verses. Compete by posting in general. Stop competing. Stop searching for validation. Stop seeking approval. Stop.

Longwood Gardens this weekend

A few shots from our trip to Longwood gardens.

Birding from this weekend at Pennypack Park

Red-Bellied Woodpecker gathering food

Red-Bellied Woodpecker showing off food

Red-Bellied Woodpecker sharing food

Tufted Titmouse, House Finch, Red-Bellied Woodpecker, cowbird

House Wrens catching bugs for the babies

House Wren

House Wren

House Wren

bad capture of an Indigo Bunting

House Finch Twins

Female Cardinal

Immature Cardinal

Red Winged Blackbird

Here are several photos of Red Winged Blackbirds captured in the Poconos last week. There is a male, a female and an immature female.

1. Immature Female Redwinged Blackbird

2.  Immature Female Redwinged Blackbird

3.  Immature Female Redwinged Blackbird

 

 

4.  Immature Female Redwinged Blackbird

5.  Immature Female Redwinged Blackbird

6.  Immature Female Redwinged Blackbird

7.  Female Redwinged Blackbird

8.  Male Redwinged Blackbird

Don't forget your daughters

As dads we can tend to think of our boys alot more than our daughters when it comes to working around the house. Things such as gardening or simple home repairs or even building toys or a swing set. Our daughters can take a back seat and we can think they should be playing with dolls or reading. Those times can be meaningful to her and you. She can learn many life skills while helping you do your tasks around the house. Take the time to explain what each tool is and what it is used for. Then let her try it, mess up and try again. You will be teaching her valuable skills. Talking about why you are doing things the way you are, how you came to the conclusion you did and so on and so forth. Pretty soon you will hear your words come back at you, things such as her figuring a problem out. We as parents are always ready to help our children, but something far greater than just answering every question our kids have, is to stop and ask them a few questions so they can answer their own question. That kind of parenting will create a thinker and one who can figure things out. So when it comes to our daughters and our sons, don't count them out because they are a girl or too young or for any other reason. If they desire to be with you,... be with them. It is time well spent, no matter how long the job takes.

Because He Lives

With so many things in our lives that can weigh us down, cause us to fear or dread or think we cannot bear to think what tomorrow will be live, "I can face tomorrow because He lives". I'm sure all of us have experienced fear. Fear from unseen things can be terrifying and become debilitating. Fear is real and powerful and from the devil. All fear is gone, because He lives. Because He lives is a powerful song. If we take the time to think about the words we are singing and reflect on the things that Jesus has brought us through. The fear we once had, the pain we may have endured, the faith we needed, the addictions we desperately needed freedom from, the forgiveness we needed, the healing needed, devastation we once faced or loss we endured all are possible and now real, simply because He lives. He died for our freedom and forgiveness and rose again to be with us and carry us on.

The most powerful line in that song is "Because He lives, all fear is gone".  The devil is powerful and pain is real. But Jesus is more powerful and promises freedom. And Because He lives all fear is gone!

Because He lives
I can face tomorrow
Because He lives
All fear is gone
Because I know
He holds the future
And life is worth the living
Just because He lives

Baltimore Oriole

How to tell a dream

For the longest time I thought I didn't like hearing people's dreams retold. Although from time to time i'd have a dream that warranted being retold. Then recently, just after I finished telling a dream, my wife needed to tell me a dream she had. After a few minutes of setting the scene for her dream, she went into something that sounded like this, "you seemed like you but you looked like him and she had hair like a cat but barked like a dog and you were him but you at the same time but then you seemed like you were him and it was our kitchen but had my moms cabinets but it wasn't really my mom, but it sounded like my mom but looked like your dad but with your sisters hair but we were all at your grandmom's funeral but there was a trapeze above the service, it had a roof but we could still feel the rain ...........................................That's when I realized, I don't mind hearing dreams! What annoys the junk out of me is when someone is telling me a dream and they say all the stuff out loud that they should have figured out in their head first. Now I get it, sometime explaining the oddity of a dream is part of it, but  what's not part of it is the thinking out loud of how bizarre all the confusion of your dream is. So sort it out in your mind first then tell the dream. Tell the non confusing high lights, don't have a conversation with yourself outloud while you are telling the dream. That could cause concern with mental health professionals. Then maybe I will listen. Actually, I still probably don't care to hear yours, only my wife and kid's dreams.

PDA Today?

Does anyone else ever shake their head when they see a "public display of affection" PDA on the street corner? It seems that now with social media it has spread online too. It's Valentine's Day, and everyone wants to send out a special Valentine's greeting to their special person. It's not enough that we have face to face, email, text, phone call, video chat etc. etc. people have to use social media like Instagram or Facebook to put a public announcement of a personal wish to their friend or spouse. If you are married, you just spent the night with them, if you are not, call them. To me it seems impersonal and sort of like exploiting something. Do you really need to show all your friends and associates that you give your other a big birthday wish, valentine's greeting or I love you note? Are you that insecure about your relationship? It sounds like a cry for attention. Or are you just showing off what your man got your or your woman did for you? "He got you 5 dozen roses? psh, my man got me 6 dozen with assorted colors and a stuffed bear"..... the photos seem to say.  When you tell someone over and over how much in love with them you are.....on social media, you sound like you are trying to convince yourself you love them. Keep it private and personal. We wouldn't go into a crowded room and say those things to them on a loud speaker would we? So why put them on social media? Strange.......

Jesus was born today, but some don't know it

It's times like these that seem so unfair, that there is a great unbalance in the world somewhere. I sit here in the warm peace and quiet, just finished reading my Bible, it's Christmas morning and the glow the tree lights the living room. The tree is partly hidden by the pile of presents. I have 3 beautiful children still snuggled under their covers that will soon wake up and once again realize that today is Christmas. How great it is to be a kid at Christmas! But somewhere in the world, in our own city their are people who don't have a Christmas, they are cold, lonely and sad. They have no children and they have no Bible. How blessed we are, behind all the commotion and the stress that can come along with it, we are so blessed and fortunate to know God's love, grace, peace, mercy and forgiveness. My little 4 year old daughter knows that Christmas is about presents and toys, but when asked last night what Christmas is all about, her words were "Caring,,,,,,,and giving". What more could you ask for? We consider ourselves blessed that among all the commotion and stress of daily life God still gives us the ability to teach our kids well and He gives our children the interest and ability to learn and retail what is important. A 3 year old son who prayed for a dinosaur piggy bank at 12 noon and by dinner time he had just what he prayed for, his eyes were wide as could be and he said "Thank you thank you", they we closed our eyes and he thanked Jesus for the answer. But there are 3 year olds today that don't know Jesus was born today or that he lives, they have never prayed or have heard a prayer offered by his parents. It seems unjust and unfair. We are thankful that today our kids know who Jesus is and they pray to Him and expect an answer. That my friends is the only gift we need. Kids who know and trust Jesus. What a gift that truly is.

To help someone in need

Our human nature is to ignore things that make us uncomfortable in hopes that they go away. It bothers us when we see a homeless person standing asking for money or even just sitting minding his own business. We don't want him to interrupt our little world. We might drop a few coins in his cup or hand him a dollar and drive off. We often judge them in our minds or even out loud. Thinking they should get a job like we have. Or thinking that they will probably just buy booze or cigarettes so why should we give our hard earned money. We forget that it is only by the mercy of God that we have a job, that we have extra money. We will spend $20 on trash willingly but fight to let go of a dollar bill we would never miss and probably didn't even know we had. All the time the judged is probably just hoping, you won't pass him by. We don't stop, we are too busy stressing over holiday parties and where we will spend/waste hundreds of dollars on our spoiled kids while he only wants a sandwich! Or while our kid's friends are wailing to school with old clothes, too big and too cold. We are blessed beyond what our parents were and we hold it tighter and tighter while our brothers and sisters suffer right before our eyes. "But it's my money". Ignoring those people and children is impossible when you have someone reminding you all the time. I have a 4 year old very perceptive, very inquisitive and very compassionate daughter who doesn't miss a thing. Asking why he stands there with a sign, where his mom and dad are, who will buy him presents, where he sleeps, who keeps him warm, who loves him, does he have any friends. The list goes on. If you have kids that ask those questions, there is no turning away and hoping the light changes. It's real because we are called as Christians to love the least of these and look out for them. Feeding, clothing and helping those in need is what divine love is all about. How many pairs of shoes do you not wear anymore? ..... Oh, his only pair shows his toes,,,,  it's December. Feeding, clothing, loving. That's God's will. Showing them what true love is. Our own family needs us. Lay it all out on the table and force yourself to look at it, study it, hard. How can we as God loving, God fearing Christians go into His house and see a kid with tattered shoes falling off their feet or a coat too small or too thin for 20° weather and think 'poor kid' and never do anything about it?!?! We are called to help the needy and where better to start than at home. If We were fortunate enough we were all needy at one time and had to do without. Too bad for us of we were never in want of our next meal. We know what it's like although we let our brother or sister go hungry or cold. We think to ourselves that they should trust for their needs. They are. God brought it to our attention and we look away. If we see a need and able to help but don't we are disobeying the Word. 

Help somebody. Not just in December but every month of the year.

My greatest memories....

Some of my greatest memories of spending time with my dad was when I was helping him do something. We used to drive his old stick shift truck from work to get mulch for the garden. He would let me shift through the gears, I was on top of the world! When we got back, I'd help push the hand truck back to the garden with the barrels of mulch. My dad was always fixing things, around the house and for other people. I would always get to tag along with him to watch him work, and come to think of it, back then, i thought I was helping. I learned what a mixing valve on a washing machine was and how a clothes dryer timer works. I learned how to replace a burner in a gas dryer, and how to replace a light switch, I learned how to sweat pipes and how to put brakes on a car, how to change the oil how to drop what you are doing to help your mom, I learned what it's like to take care of your mom and what it means to love your wife, I learned how to plant flowers and care for a vegetable garden, I learned how to be there for the less fortunate, I learned how to give even when you don't have anything left to give, I learned what priorities are, I learned what faith really is, I learned to see beauty in simple things, I learned how incredibly beautiful things like music, children, family and nature is that most people don't see, I learned to appreciate the ones you have, I learned how to give first, I learned how to look after, love and provide for my family, I learned that no job or money is worth missing time with my family, I learned how to respect women, I learned how to drive a car, I learned how to be generous, I learned how to forgive, I learned what truly matters.... I learned all this by the age of 19 and I learned it all from my Dad.


Now, I have 3 of my own to teach a great many things to. My 3 year old son knows how to use a screw driver, a wrench and man other tools effectively. They are all ready to help me do any task or project that I may do. It may take an extra hour or 2 but spending time and making memories is what it's all about. My dad taught me that a long time ago.

Love them... while you can

Life is busy, hectic and we are always on the go. But look around you, look at yourself. How much time is spent running around keeping schedules or working late hours & 2 jobs. The Bible says "If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat" II Thessalonians 3:10. But that can't be taken out of context and used as an excuse to work 60-70 hours a week and never being home. "everything in moderation"- In working unnecessary late hours and always having work on your mind you miss out on..... life.... and the lives of those you love. There is nothing that makes me feel more special than what happened to me yesterday when i got home from work, and it happens every day. I opened the front door and Rowan (3) yells "Dadddyyyyyyyyyyy" and runs in for a full speed hug and just hangs out for a few minutes hugging and the occasional kiss, he might then rub my head or pull on my beard and then hug me again. If I were to work til 9PM i'd miss that every day. No extra overtime would be worth missing that from my little man. Anita (4) is so much more grown up. From her I get the same hugs and kisses, but she has a lengthy speech to tell me. Everything from what Rowan did that was naughty that day, to what she played or where she wants to go and what she got to play that day. Tucker, (Happy Birthday Bud) turned 1 today, just grins from ear to ear and jumps around like he's never seen me before. Every hour of overtime I were to work, means one more hour my beautiful wife has to spend with our calm, docile ---er--- wild indian kids by herself. Just the thought of relieving her from the constant of keeping an eye on the rugrats is enough to bring me home. Men, our wives are not here to "do everything they can so we can work 16 hours a day then come home and be too tired to do anything let alone pull our weight. And don't think that because we go to work and work 'Oh so hard all day long' that we are exempt from household chores... not really.... Most of our wives get up when we do and if we took the time to notice them around the house we'd see they work until it's bed time. All the while most husbands think that because they worked 'hard' all day, it's time to relax. Yo, dudes, she worked too, longer, and most of the time, harder. Show your wife not only the respect she deserves, but the respect God tells us to give her. 
There are over 150 verses in the Bible that speak on how a marriage relationship should be structured and carried out, day to day. If a husband and wife read all the verses pertaining to them, follow through and obey them, (married) life will be good. We can't read the ones pertaining to our wives (or husbands for you wives reading) and point out to them what they are doing wrong, because in doing that it makes us 'more' wrong than the thing we are pointing out! 
Love them, and everything else will fall into place. If we did all that we do, in and around our home and family, out of love and always thinking of our spouse first, life would be good. You would not argue, you would not fight, and things that might bring some couples to harsh words would not even be mentioned because you are of one mind, knowing not only what each other would decide or say, but what 'should' be decided and say because it's whats right. Love your spouse, think of them first. 
Not much should have to be said about parents, love them, honor them, respect them. Enough said. Growing up there can be a longing to be old enough to 'make our own decisions' because we are soooo much smarter than our parents and our parents 'just don't understand what it's like'. Sometime kids can get so caught up in there own lives that they forget about their parents. In my opinion once a child is old enough that they don't need their parents to be there for them 24/7,,, the tables should turn and they should be there for their parents 24/7. Especially by the time a young person reaches the age of 21, they should no longer have their parents do the many things they used to. You are an adult now, it's time to take care of your parents like they took care of you. Looking out for them, doing things for them just because you love them. Not that they need that kind of care... because most of them will be extremely capable to take care of themselves. But it's because you love them and acknowledge that they gave everything to you for the first 21 years of your life and you acknowledge that tomorrow is not promised. For those who do not think about those things, it's going to be a long hard journey always looking for handouts and expecting help from them like they are obligated. That's now how it works. You, as a child of your parents, are obligated to look out for them, help them, be there for them and do everything you can for them as a way to show them you love them, appreciate them and acknowledge them for who they are. No longer do you take take take, but it's time to give give give. And everyone has something to give.... time, energy, presence (or presents,lol) conversation etc. And do it out of a desire to do so, not because you feel obligated! Our parents were obligated to be there and take care of us, we need to turn the tables on that and do it out of love and commitment. Stop thinking of yourself! Think of others, your wife, kids, parents, family....... And find out how much more fulfilling life can be when you think of "others" first. And love them because you do. True love for another person is one that can be felt, not heard. The words "I love you" can become redundant if the person hearing them does not feel it first. Don't get me wrong, the words are very important, and need to be heard everyday. If you don't say it already,, start,, to your wife, husband, kids...... just that little thing will make a change in your attitude and theirs. By saying "I love you" you are bringing to the front of your mind and theirs, the fact that you do love them. Years can go by with the words being said on a birthday or Christmas.. but that's sort of like people who only go to church on Easter and Christmas,,, there's not much to it because it's "what you are supposed to do". But saying "I love you" every day changes a mind set. Say it, mean it and act it out. Don't just say 'love'.... Do 'love'. To do that, you need to be there. To be there you need to sacrifice something else.
Demonstrate the kind of love you have for your spouse and kids. You may think to yourself 'they know I love them'.... but do they, for sure, no doubt, 100%....? Have you told them lately?
All this is said with one thought in mind... "Love them, while you can".You will not regret it. 
What you will regret however is never making the transition from taker to giver.  Not seeing your parents, spouse and kids for who they truly are. Not giving the love that you should and that people in our lives deserve. Not saying "I love you" to them. Not stopping and realizing who people are to you. Not appreciating those in your life who truly deserve appreciation. 

Say the words- "I Love You"

Headhouse Market Philadelphia various edits

Headhouse Farmer's Market, Society Hill Philadelphia

5 different versions, each one is cropped to 11x14 

 1. Natural

 2. Painterly

 3. Toned

 4. Warm

5. B&W