It seems that the most sought after thing in this life is time.. and everything else comes from it. Some give it, some take it, some borrow it, some steal it.
Monday on our way out to our annual Memorial Day picnic I stopped at the store for a coffee and a gentleman out front held the door for me on the way in and while I was in there he came in and got a coffee. When I was leaving the store he spoke again and commented on the day and wished me a good day. I was heading over to the trash can so I said what I say to any person who looks like they may need something "How are you doing? Do you need anything?" He got what almost looked like embarrassment and said "I could use some money". He went on to tell me about his trade and his injury and how he could not work right now. I think he talked for 5-6 minutes and his face changed and brightened up with each minute he talked. He almost he a little giddy-up in his speech like he wanted to tell more. When he was finished I had a new appreciation for the health and well being that I enjoy and said a prayer for him. I commented that he had a positive attitude and that was good to see. It seemed to brighten his day that not only was he not ignored as he is probably so used to but actually listened to.I don't know his whole story but I gave him what everyone has, Time.
Children have an intense desire and need to be heard. Not only does it help develop their communication skills but it helps secure that bond between you and your children. Take my 5 year old daughter for instance, she can talk for an hour and when I take the time to stoop down to her level seeing eye to eye, I hold her hands or put my arms around her, it's telling her that I am not only interested but I am abandoning my world and coming into hers and I'm hers for those minutes that she wants to talk. Touching her face or arms while she talks makes that physical connection between her and I. I believe making skin contact with your children in a loving way is very important to developing caring loving individuals. They only do what they see demonstrated in the home. Kids don't walk away because they were loved. We don't get to choose what version or degree of love holds a child from walking away or if it even is that. Time, Energy and Love are three vitally important aspects of a parent child relationship. You don't get to give them the leftovers of your time, energy and love and just hope its enough. And you don't get to just give them one of the 3 and hope they turn out. They need first priority time. Dads, when we get home from work we don't get to relax with no interruptions until dinner and then go out for sports and come home late. Maybe your projects will sit on the list for months or your hobbies and sports will suffer. Your home may be a mess or hobbies still in the box but time spent with children is time well spent. They need first priority energy. Whether its sports or games with the kids or homework we owe it to them to be prepared and give them the energy and dedication they require. If you have those interests or hobbies that mean a lot to you I believe its ok to get your kids interested and share that interest. But don't forget that your kids will be into it at a whole different level that you are. They will mess it up and make mistakes and if you are super particular and attentive to detail like I am, that raises another level of learning as it does for me. But, be ready to let your children walk away if they are ready or lose interest. What I mean is that if one child is into gardening and then wants to walk away for a few days, it's ok. Dad is still into it and that's what brings them back. We may want our kids to have the same hobbies as us so we can continue, but if they don't want to do it, it's ok. We have to hone who they 'are', not who we want them to be. We can plant and we can water but we can't force them to grow. We are making an investment in our child's future and there is no other time than this to do it. Don't be that parent that regretfully says "She's 15?? where is my 4 year old I had 'yesterday'?" Try to get your 15 year old that you neglected to sit on your lap or kiss you on the lips! It's probably not happening. My 5 year old daughter refuses to kiss me on the cheek because she says girls always kiss their dad on the lips. Time flies. It really does. If I am not spending a majority of my time with the kids I feel as though I'm doing them a disservice. Teaching, loving, correcting and guiding them is Top Priority if we don't want regrets later on in life. Parenting is a 24/7 job that never quits. Don't ever give up on teaching and correcting because one day, one time you will see them remember what you've been reminding them for so long and it will be worth it.
Have you ever let your children ask the Blessing at a meal or pray for protection on a trip or pray in general when going to bed or getting up in the morning? They have faith to be envied. My 4 year old son once prayed at dinner time "Jesus please give us a lot of food and not a lot of bad stuff". How precious is that. When leaving a day trip my 5 year old daughter prayed for the ride home, she asked for protection, asked the Lord to provide and thanked him for the fun day we had and then asked the Lord to send someone in need to us so we can help them with food or money". Listen when they pray. Listen when they read. listen when they talk. Listen when they interact with each other. It is a precious thing to be able to listen in to your child's conversations. Stop, eavesdrop on them. Listen to the beauty in their voices, the genuine tone in their voices when they play together.
When you talk to your children don't fall into the habit that so many parents do and treat them like babies in the way you talk and converse with them. Give them purpose give them reason. Standing tall and talking down to them, barking at them does nothing for their self esteem or confidence. Stoop down, hold their hands and make a connection. interact!
People in general need time! You may have a friend that doesn't talk and borders on recluse. But were you around them when they came out of their shell and talked? Did their face brighten and did they get that pep in their attitude? People need other people's attention and time. Have you ever had that conversation where you feel that after 30 minutes you talked for 3 minutes? Sometime people like to hear themselves talk. Next time you are having a conversation take note of how many times you cut off the other person and how much time each talks. Be the one who lets the other one talk. "You can't learn anything while you are talking" Sometime it can make another feel validated, that someone cared enough to listen to what they had to say.
Time seems like it's so valuable and so sought after but it really does not cost anything, when it comes to time no one is rich or poor and no one has a ton of it in the bank. But the funny thing is,,, a lot of times its more valuable than any amount of money.
Kids need it, friends need it, parents and grand parents need it, everyone needs a little bit of it and we have it to give. Couple that up with a handshake, a hug, a kiss on the cheek or the words 'I love you' and you got enough to make someone's day or change their life. You really don't know what's going on in another's mind, it might be just what they needed. Time.
