Most critical 4 years!

As parents, we choose to have children and therefore we are obligated to sacrifice almost everything in our life to raise, teach and protect them. The first 4 years of a child's life are the most critical for learning and developing and the reality is, that is the part of the father's life that he is still deep into his own stuff and by default letting the mother raise the children on her own. The amount of learning that takes place in the first 4 years cannot compare to any other 4 year period of their lives. In my opinion one of the most important things that must be taught by age 1 is your child must learn to communicate please and thank you. Without this elementary discipline they will instead learn that when I scream and cry I get what I want. This has been an incredible experience in the overall discipline of the children learning that crying does not get them more food, but communicating 'please' does. Teaching a 7 month old to communicate 'please' is not easy but with persistence it was proven 6 times in our home. As a father I can see the responsibilities and requirements from my perspective a lot easier and I do not give myself much slack when it comes to the importance of parenting with purpose. We have to parent our children intentionally, not reactionary. To be a reactionary parent is just cleaning up messes and fixing screaming fits, sitting the child down with a TV while we try to give candy to the other so shut them up. ALL of that line of thinking is wrong. As a father, if I ever give my child a screen or device because they are crying or begging, I'm WRONG and should be ashamed, especially if I give them the screen so I can indulge in my own selfish desires. The first and only line of defense against our kids growing up to be whiney, self-entitled, lazy brats looking for handouts who can't do anything for themselves is active, fully involved, only priority parenting. As a father, if I do not actively teach and train my children every day, I'm a failure. If I don't teach them something new and give an in-depth perspective on something, failure.  When it comes to work and responsibility, we have our work cut out for us there too. Once our children can walk, all they want to do is please their parents. They are like dogs at that age, everything they do they look up at us for approval. One of the biggest mistakes parents make at that age is they send them away because they are only slowing down the progress OR they don't actively give them small chores. What this does is it gets the children used to not working. In the parent's mind it is the right thing to do, I mean the kid is too young to make it worth it, right? What they don't realize is they are taking the most impressionable years and impressing on them that they sit around while mom & dad do the work, your welcome! If we give them work from 1 year old they will get in the habit and realize that it is normal to help with any and all chores in our home. Asking your 1 year old to put your shoes on the steps, asking them to put trash in the can or asking them to 'help' run the vacuum all give them satisfaction that they are making you happy. Yes, it will take you longer, but it's not about a clean house, it never was, it's about raising the kids that you signed up to raise. Dads have a habit of saying "I gotta babysit tonight". You don't babysit your own kids! You 'get' to spend time with your daughter or son. As dads we have an incredible opportunity to help mold and shape our children and guide them in whatever direction we choose. The scary thing is if we choose to neglect that responsibility and just check the box that we spent 5 minutes with them a few days or suffered through a tea party so now I can go play baseball, play xbox or hang with the guys, someone else will raise them. Speaking of Xbox, it's my opinion that no father should be involved in any gaming platforms as they are designed for addiction and take us away from our children, isolate us from family and steal time that we can never get back. Dad's if you are serious about your children and wife stay off the games! Do it for your family. Taking every opportunity to teach and train your children is a duty and an obligation, not something you can opt out of. Actively look for ways to engage and teach. As the father of 6 children ages 1 to 13, I can say that laying the ground work when they were 0-4 has paid off time and time again! When you see an 5, 6 , 8 or 10 year old that is an absolute brat, out of control, crying for and getting whatever he wants..... look at his father! By age 2 they should full well know that they get absolutely nothing when they cry for it. There is a way to get what you want, when you say "excuse me" and you "ask nicely". The answer may not always be yes but what they should get is an explanation that satisfies their inquiry. Ask any of my children "what do you get when you cry?" they will immediately reply "Nothing" because that is an absolute. It is beneficial to establish absolutes in your home, things such as "when you cry you get nothing", "Disrespecting your mother is a Really Really big deal!", "Hands in your lap and quiet until we ask the blessing at dinner", "It is never ok to argue with your parents" (we will debate, discuss and explain, but not argue).. etc. Establishing those absolutes allows firm, understood rules to be established. There is nothing more important than raising our children and there is no more important time than when they are 0-4 years old. Dad's, if you missed it, you will probably see evidence of it and pay for it for a long time. One last thought on your girls, 

Dads... Concerning your daughter, if you don't demonstrate deeply on a daily basis that you love her, she will find a guy who will convince her that he does.....