"My kids ask too many questions"!!

  Have you ever heard a friend or another parent say in frustration, "they won't shut up, it's always why this or why that and a million other questions about everything under the sun..." As a parent, if you don't treasure this and seek out those opportunities, you are nuts! As a dad, I have so much I want to teach my kids on important subjects and critical issues, but if I were to tell them to sit down so I can talk to them about this or that it may be super uncomfortable because of the subject or they may not be listening because their mind can't switch from playing baseball or legos to listening to their dad talk about work ethic or the dangers of peer pressure and drug use. Like everything in a child's life it must start before they are born, thinking about these issues, discussing it with your spouse and preparing yourself to raise and teach them. When they are old enough to talk, tell them repeatedly that you enjoy when they ask you questions and when they do ask tell them "Thanks for asking me that". Now this is where the magic happens. If your child asks you a question... guess what.... most of the time they are ready, willing and able to sit down and have an in depth conversation about the subject at hand, they will be attentive to what you say and take it all in. Also, this is a perfect opportunity for you to segue into other like topics that you may want to discuss. 

    There are some subjects that parents don't want to talk to their children about and I get it, I mean who wants to tell their child what heroin addiction is? My children know because the question was asked about people looking asleep or dead on the corner, the conversation started with drugs then went on to addiction segued into other forms of addiction and also educated them to what needles are and why they should never be touched for any reason. An example of the value of the conversation transitioning as it did is that if I were to tell me children what a needle was and explain why they should not touch it, they could have become curious and actually picked one up if they saw one. But being they understood the horrific life that just one poke could bring... No needles for them, ever! 

    Parents may be uncomfortable talking to their kids about sex and educating them to what is safe and healthy. I know a lot of parents a few generations ago just skipped that responsibility. There are many ways to get the conversation started. One is to plant those seeds that no topic is off limits with our children and us, private conversations can include anything that they are curious about. A friend of mind told me that he was unsure of how much to tell his 9 year old son about sex.. the answer is easy, get the conversation going and once they ask one question and you answer it honestly, he will have another question. Now we have a conversation. How much do you tell him? Again, easy, when he stops asking questions, you satisfied his curiosity. My son asked a bunch of questions right away then off and on over the next few weeks and then his curiosity was satisfied. 

    It is very important to answer ALL of your child's questions. If you don't answer them to their satisfaction, someone else will and that someone could be the wrong kind of influence or worse yet it could be google. A friend (and a father) and I were having a conversation within earshot of my 11 year old daughter and one of us mentioned birth control. My daughter heard that and asked, "Dad, what's birth control?". Now this is a direct result of me teaching her for years that you can ask me anything and I will tell you the truth and encouraging her to ask. Now before that question was even past her lips my friend responded "Big people stuff". As if it were a reaction to that type of question.. and could even have been a defense mechanism to not have to talk about 'uncomfortable subjects'.  My daughter was curious and asked a question, her curiosity was not satisfied but she WAS shut up about it with the response. She may be ok for now but that curiosity will eventually creep back in. If I had given her the "big people stuff" response and left it at that, she definitely would not have come back to me with the same question, instead gone to a friend or older person or God forbid, google, and gotten an answer that I had no control over. Something to also consider is that if she got shut down when being curious about birth control, what other sex questions did we inadvertently shut down that will now be outsourced?! What a horrific thought, "We have some control of how and what our children learn and we shift that to an outside sources when we shut them down or do not explain to satisfy their curiosity". 

    A friend of mine once asked how you know how much to teach your children about new subjects that may require a mature mind to understand. The answer is simple, "when they stop asking questions, you stop answering". It's that simple. Look at the incredible opportunity you have when your children come to you with questions. They will ask a question if they are curious and will stop asking when they are satisfied. And if your child is like 99% of other children, they will be curious and ask more over time and ask their curiosity builds so does our opportunity to teach. Just remember one thing during these extremely valuable times of conversation, you have to be on high alert to never make them feel as if they are wrong or their is something negative about asking these questions. As a parent you need to take steps early one in your child's life, i'm talking 3 or 4 years old, to encourage them to ask questions and thank them for asking. 

    Kids are curious and always will be, they like boys and girls and always will, they will have questions about some taboo topics and WILL get answers to them. Make it a top priority to be that information source for them. As parents look at how they see you, do you always yell and get excited when they bring up some shocking topics? Do they hide stuff from you because they know your reaction? Do they ask their friends or their aunt or uncle with fringe theories and beliefs? Make it you, but remember all good parenting starts before the child is conceived.