While I was away..

By the time I made it home, you were already in bed

Chubby cheek pressed to your a pillow by a bedtime book you read

And I noticed you looked older than you did yesterday

You’ve been growing up while I was away

You made a pile of leaves in the front yard, I guess it’s already fall

By the look of those pictures your mama took, the two of you had a ball

And It made me glad but a little sad to see those games you played

I missed a lot of smiles while I was away

And I found your note in the kitchen, it’s a real work of art

A stick man holding your stick hand with “Daddy” written in a heart

And it got me good cause I’ve understood what you meant to say

You’ve been missing me too while I was away

  

This dude is putting my worst fear into words! By nature, dads are more on the run than moms are with work every day and errands to run. Mom is around the house more and spends 2-3 times more time with kids. This song is really about working long and far away, but there can be many reasons why a dad does not see his kids grow up. His choice to work long hours is probably a big one, getting home after the kids are in bed and leaving before they wake. Dads are on the go so much with work and then they want to spend their weekends with hobbies and friends if not more work. We don't have to do that! Working 60-70 hours a week is not acceptable when we have children or wives. We need to learn to say no. Or change careers. I've read stories about Christian men who have changed careers to spend more time at home. Careers that did not require them to travel or stay away more than 8-9 hours a day. They took the pay cut or less hours and God blessed them over and over for making that right decision.

There is a panicky feeling that comes over me from time to time when I think that my little girl is now medium sized and will soon be my big girl. Or that my little dude will soon be too big to pick up and hold. Some may say he's too big to pick up now, but we don't! That's for sure. Some dads probably wish the day would not come when their daughters won't kiss them on the lips anymore, I fear the day my son won't. Innocence and love keeps the kisses coming. When I think about the hours there are in one week that my children are actually awake when im home.. about 5 hours each weekday how can anything else fit into that time? By the time dinner is done and any chore that needs my attention there is an hour or two left. I could selfishly take that time for myself or invest it in my children. Sometime we don't realize what a parent/child relationship really is. From day 1, we are obligated to invest in and perform maintenance on that relationship, and it never really ends. Every relationship requires maintenance to survive. Without it the relationship will eventually wither and die. Whether is a parent and child, husband and wife or plain old friends it has to be important enough to one party to keep the relationship going. We as parents may think that because we are their parent we will always be good. But if we fail to maintain that relationship, one day they will be at a critical point in their life and when we try to interject our thoughts their response is "Who do you think you are?" Whether we have 1 child or 10 we have the same obligation. I believe as parents we have the obligation to make each one of our children feel like a prized possession, a special child, loved beyond any doubt and to spend quality physical  One that knows your top priority is spending time with them and that you look forward to your daily time with them each day without exception. Working til 9pm or all day Saturday cannot allow us with enough time to spend with them.  There are many things that dads can do that can be called good and harmless but the deciding factor of those good and harmless things should be the impact on the kids and family as a whole. Not using the excuse that I am including one child so it's good. Any sacrifice ever made for the benefit of our children cannot be a bad one. If we as dads are doing something on a regular basis that's takes us from our family or causes dissention with our wife or kids, it's time to stop, evaluate our selfishness, and take the necessary actions. Nothing! no hobby, no career, no interest or way of life is worth missing a night or weekend with our children. Being home at a reasonable time on weekdays, spending time each night with each of our children and making sure we are home on weekends and not out with some selfish hobby is first priority for a Man of Integrity. Can I really go hunting, fishing, golfing, working or any selfish desire and still feel like a Man of integrity? The answer is a simple No. We may say that we voluntarily work every Saturday to provide for our families but that's total crap. You would be hard pressed to find one wife or child who would choose money over Dad on a Saturday or an evening. There is no excuse for not spending time with our family on a daily basis. Think of the many things in our daily life that we perform maintenance on, we fuel our car and do oil changes, fill our swimming pool, we wash the windows, cut the grass, drink water, charge our cell phones, sweep the floor and rake the leaves. The list is endless of things that we maintain on a regular basis because if we didn't all those things would just stop being useful to us and we'd neglect them and eventually just ignore them. Who wants to spend time in an overgrown yard with a swimming pool that has12" of green water in it? No one! So we maintain it daily so it's good to use. If we fail to perform daily maintenance on the relationship with our children or spouse, it will soon turn green and stagnant and will be avoided for the benefit of everyone. You can't ignore your swimming pool all summer and expect it to be crystal clear for your Labor Day pool party, in the same way you can't neglect spending quality time with your children daily and when you want to be the knight in shining armor at the time of crisis, wonder why things seem smelly and stagnant in your relationship! You lost that 10 years ago! Children don't change and walk out overnight. You've been forming and molding that rebel for the last 15 years so why is it a surprise?! There are no guarantees that children won't be influenced by the wrong person and led on a bad path. But there one thing is for sure. Equipping our children with Knowledge, Truth and Love is our best defense. Knowledge and truth are based on the Bible. Every family needs something to base what they call truth on otherwise you can end up with a 'because I said so' scenario which can easily cause rebellion in children as young as 2 or 3. Instilling in your children that the Bible is the infallible word of God at a young age is crucial to use it as the base of everything in life. Reading the Bible and praying with your children daily is how it all starts. As a parent you have to present the things you value and believe in as normal and true. Having the Bible as our rock and truth is our most valuable tool as a parent. Making our children fully aware of the Bible and it's truth is of the top priority, because everything else in their life is a reflection of how well their parents focused on that obligation. We can train and form our children into anything we want. Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it". That does not mean take them to church once a week and hope for the best. But it means to actively participate in the child's life with Bible based training and to actively think about and pray for your children throughout the day. When you make the choice to bring children into this world you are quietly stating to the world that you are willing going to sacrifice hobbies and other self serving extracurricular activities until your kids have grown. Forcing one of your kids to take up the same hobby as you as a means of justification does not work either. You will then find yourself spending most of your time with one and forget the 99. Focus on your Family and forget yourself; you will be on the right track. Working hard to make a dollar only makes us spend more frivolously anyway. We might use the excuse that I have mouths to feed and kids to dress so I need to work to pay for it. Do they really need new $100 jeans and the latest name in designer clothes? 

One sure fire way to drive a wedge between parent and child is to have one way conversations. To tell a child what to do or not do without an in depth explanation is wrong on several levels. First of all it creates a wall where their should be communication. Second When you explain your decisions it conveys love. Someone once told me that their dad would just say things like "you can't do this or don't do that" and would never give an explanation even when they were asked for it by their kids. Taking the time to explain decisions to your children is very important, life slows down at that point, they look at you intently as you prove you are Dad instead of just barking orders and telling them you are their dad. Need to talk to your children, stop, hold their hands or their body, look at their eyes, make sure they are focused on you, then speak. They should continue to focus while you talk. Make sure you allow them to ask any questions they have and respond to every one. When it comes to our peers as adults I always say You can't learn anything while you are talking and the same goes for us and our children. Want to learn about your children? Shut up and listen. Sit by their bed for 15 minutes at night and listen to what they have to day. Whether it's about their hobby, a book they read, friends at school, a boyfriend or girlfriend............... You thought I meant only little kids?! Not at all, got a 15 year old? Sit in. But start that relationship once she starts talking, don't wait, time will pass by so fast it will make your head spin. As that little boy or girl gets older the conversation will change. From toys and stories to truth and life the conversations are endless. We only get one shot and it's something we cannot afford to mess up. Our child's life depends on it!
The older I get and the older my children get I'm more convinced that the control a parent has over the life their children live as they reach the adult age is great! It is hugely controlled by the choices a parent makes in those early years; Choices for dads such as where they choose to be or what they choose to do when they are home, Choices by parents about what they talk about in front of their kids, how critical they are about other people and the gossip their kids hear from them. A parent's daily life, no matter how extreme, is setting the standard as 'normal' for their kids to follow. What do we want our kids to see as normal? Seeing them only on the weekends because we book too much work and can't get it all done? A dad that has a hobby that takes him from his family every Saturday? Do we want normal to be for them to see me leave all the work at home to their mom and to see her struggle to hold it together because of that? I don't think so. The normal I want my kids to see is that their dad would sacrifice anything for them and their mom. I want them to know normal is that there is no distinction in work at home as to who's job it is, dad and mom share it all. Normal is kids have to see by example that I love their mom by the way I treat her, love her and respect her. My boys need to see by example that their dad loves their mom and they need to see how to do it right! Demonstrating love to their mom is teaching them what's normal. We can only demonstrate what we want our kids to see as normal, if we are there. Working late being gone on Saturday is a sure fire way to show we don't prioritize our children. Kids don't wait to be influenced. If we don't make them a priority, someone else will. TV, internet, bad influences the list goes on. It's not even a case of their peers having bad intentions, it's simply a matter of their dad being there to filter the junk they come home with each day! How could a dad not make that a priority! Are we that selfish and self centered that we'd leave our own children to the wolves to be raised? No matter what excuse we will make or what justification we come up with, if we are gone evenings and weekends, we voluntarily choose to neglect our kids leaving someone else to raise our kids and set the standard for them and we probably won't thank them.
I'm not saying that mom's can't raise children. Most moms do an exceptional job. But ask which ones would choose to do it without a legitimate dad in the picture.... none. Dad is a name that all dads must live up to. It's a tall order and big shoes to fill. It's not enough to just support them financially. Committing to a quantity of quality time is another story. 

If a dad looks at his 16 year old girl who is living life all wrong, who is a mirror image of the world and wonders where it went so wrong...  The answer is simple,"the moment you walked out the door instead of staying with her". Because it's a fact that she yearned for your attention when she was little. She waited for just a moment of your attention. If you had been paying attention you would have seen the sparkle in her eye! Look forward to seeing her everyday after work! Make your children feel like a million bucks, everyday! Do our kids fear our arrival or wait on the doorstep? Treat your daughters like the princess they are. Take them on dates whether they are 4 or 40 years old. As long as they live under your roof visit their bedroom after she's in and talk or more importantly, listen. Every night! Once a month take her on a date. Demonstrate how a boy should treat her, talk about it. Set an example for your boys of how they should treat a woman. By treating their mother and sisters with respect, we can show by example what a real man does. Talk about what's acceptable and what's not, explain the lifelong consequences of bad decisions. There are countless ideas, precepts and principles that we can teach our children on one condition, we cannot do it while we are away.
  Compassionate, loving and caring people weren't born that way, something affected them and made an impression. If you know a person who is not loving or kind or has some other social awkwardness it is most likely a direct result of how their parents raised them and who was around. 

There is so much responsibility that a parent has and there are so many things to do and teach our kids every day that if done correctly and responsibly there would be no time left for anything else in our lives. It's time to take inventory of our time, how we have allotted the minutes we are given each day. Do our kids take last priority? It would probably shock most dads to write down the hours in a day and list how they spent each minute of the day. What percentage would kids get? 2%? 5%  Dads who spend an hour a day focused on their kids spend less than 5% of their life with their kids. That's a horrible thought. And even though we may think we are beyond that, think about the amount of direct one-on-one time, uninterrupted, cell phone free time we have with our kids. Maybe it's even less than 5%! We can reverse the cycle if we only be there. 

One of my biggest fears is one day there will be a ..... 'While I was away' moment. 

And for every dollar I earn there’s a lesson you learn without me there

And every day I’m on the go, I’m praying that you know your daddy cared

Cause the hardest part about working hard ain’t about the bills I gotta pay

It’s you growing up while I was away

Hoping we won't pass him by....

It seems so easy to turn away and make judgements of the homeless or people asking for money. We like to think they got a dollar from the other guy so they don't need mine. We aren't called to ignore or pass them by. If we truly believed what the Bible says, we'd be shelling out Benjamins at the corner. 100 fold reward for giving..?? How can we not want to give? What are we teaching our kids when we reach into our change bin in the car instead of our wallet? What are we teaching our kids when we search frantically for a single instead of thinking of his needs and our reward? What a teaching moment it is each time you see someone asking for a dime. Our response should be, "spare change?! how bout a dollar, how bout 2?" We tend to be so greedy and want to hold on to every cent we can get our hands on.

One of the biggest mistakes we could make as parents, one that has lifelong effects is forgetting our kids are watching when we choose to respond wrong, react wrong and express wrong attitudes toward others. Pulling up to a red light seeing a man with a sign a few lanes over, kids in the backseat..... it's time to make a decision. How do we handle this situation? Easy, ignore it, hope they don't make it to our car before the light changes and we can drive off. If the kids noticed (which they did) you have an out, the light changed. By our actions we are shaping our children's attitudes, thought processes, compassion (or lack thereof), how to respond and react, how to ignore or seek out. We could spend our years as parents with young kids selfishly looking our for ourselves, showing by example how to ignore those in need if we don't want to be bothered and then when we are the ones in need, wonder why our kids are so good at ignoring us. We need to have the foresight to teach and prepare our children for every future, whether its 10 minutes or 10 years away. When we make the choice to have children and don't make the decision to sacrifice ALL for them, we fail. We fail our children and ourselves. As we have heard "Children did not ask to be brought into this world". We chose to bring them into this world and now have a lifelong responsibility. Our success or failure with our kids will be evident to us for life. They will be what we train them to be, what we demonstrate as 'normal'.   It's time to do a 180. Instead of trying to avoid, searching for a dime or a dollar,.... seek them out. Prepare for them. But oh, we have a short week, we don't have anything to spare. Jesus didn't say give from your excess. Who doesn't have a dime or a dollar in the car. A respected person once said to me "..... but make sure you don't judge them for not giving because you never know anyone's private situation...." that's correct, we don't. But if we were honest with ourselves we would prepare and never pass a person in need without giving something. And I don't mean the person with a sign that happens to make it to your window before the light changes, I mean the person we see in public that we think could use a hello, a dollar or a sandwich. We should 'seek out' those who need our help. They could be angels, they could be sent here to test us or they could simply want a sandwich! Not only strangers but what about our own families? If we know that there is a need in our family and we ignore it............................


Who could say that we haven't been helped when we needed it?

Christmas is so full of giving and getting and accumulating things that we really don't need. We pile things on our friends and family who already have too much and forget those who really need.

Should you stop?, better not, much too busy
You're in a hurry, my how time does fly
In the distance the ringing of laughter
And in the midst of the laughter he cries

If we call ourselves Christians and ignore the needy, something is wrong. 

Everything we do when eyes are watching is worthless, it's what we do when no one is watching that truly matters. 

Giving to those who could never repay. 

Doing all our good deeds in private. 

Never a mention of what we've done. 

I think we will be a little closer to what Jesus wants when we really hurt for those hurting and cry for those crying....... and do something about it.  

Do you have the time?

It seems that the most sought after thing in this life is time..  and everything else comes from it. Some give it, some take it, some borrow it, some steal it. 
Monday on our way out to our annual Memorial Day picnic I stopped at the store for a coffee and a gentleman out front held the door for me on the way in and while I was in there he came in and got a coffee. When I was leaving the store he spoke again and commented on the day and wished me a good day. I was heading over to the trash can so I said what I say to any person who looks like they may need something "How are you doing? Do you need anything?" He got what almost looked like embarrassment and said "I could use some money". He went on to tell me about his trade and his injury and how he could not work right now. I think he talked for 5-6 minutes and his face changed and brightened up with each minute he talked. He almost he a little giddy-up in his speech like he wanted to tell more.  When he was finished I had a new appreciation for the health and well being that I enjoy and said a prayer for him. I commented that he had a positive attitude and that was good to see. It seemed to brighten his day that not only was he not ignored as he is probably so used to but actually listened to.I don't know his whole story but I gave him what everyone has, Time.
Children have an intense desire and need to be heard. Not only does it help develop their communication skills but it helps secure that bond between you and your children. Take my 5 year old daughter for instance, she can talk for an hour and when I take the time to stoop down to her level seeing eye to eye, I hold her hands or put my arms around her, it's telling her that I am not only interested but I am abandoning my world and coming into hers and I'm hers for those minutes that she wants to talk. Touching her face or arms while she talks makes that physical connection between her and I. I believe making skin contact with your children in a loving way is very important to developing caring loving individuals. They only do what they see demonstrated in the home. Kids don't walk away because they were loved. We don't get to choose what version or degree of love holds a child from walking away or if it even is that.  Time, Energy and Love are three vitally important aspects of a parent child relationship. You don't get to give them the leftovers of your time, energy and love and just hope its enough. And you don't get to just give them one of the 3 and hope they turn out. They need first priority time. Dads, when we get home from work we don't get to relax with no interruptions until dinner and then go out for sports and come home late. Maybe your projects will sit on the list for months or your hobbies and sports will suffer. Your home may be a mess or hobbies still in the box but time spent with children is time well spent. They need first priority energy. Whether its sports or games with the kids or homework we owe it to them to be prepared and give them the energy and dedication they require. If you have those interests or hobbies that mean a lot to you I believe its ok to get your kids interested and share that interest. But don't forget that your kids will be into it at a whole different level that you are. They will mess it up and make mistakes and if you are super particular and attentive to detail like I am, that raises another level of learning as it does for me. But, be ready to let your children walk away if they are ready or lose interest. What I mean is that if one child is into gardening and then wants to walk away for a few days, it's ok. Dad is still into it and that's what brings them back. We may want our kids to have the same hobbies as us so we can continue, but if they don't want to do it, it's ok. We have to hone who they 'are', not who we want them to be. We can plant and we can water but we can't force them to grow.  We are making an investment in our child's future and there is no other time than this to do it. Don't be that parent that regretfully says "She's 15?? where is my 4 year old I had 'yesterday'?" Try to get your 15 year old that you neglected to sit on your lap or kiss you on the lips! It's probably not happening. My 5 year old daughter refuses to kiss me on the cheek because she says girls always kiss their dad on the lips.  Time flies. It really does. If I am not spending a majority of my time with the kids I feel as though I'm doing them a disservice. Teaching, loving, correcting and guiding them is Top Priority if we don't want regrets later on in life. Parenting is a 24/7 job that never quits. Don't ever give up on teaching and correcting because one day, one time  you will see them remember what you've been reminding them for so long and it will be worth it.
Have you ever let your children ask the Blessing at a meal or pray for protection on a trip or pray in general when going to bed or getting up in the morning? They have faith to be envied. My 4 year old son once prayed at dinner time "Jesus please give us a lot of food and not a lot of bad stuff". How precious is that. When leaving a day trip my 5 year old daughter prayed for the ride home, she asked for protection, asked the Lord to provide and thanked him for the fun day we had and then asked the Lord to send someone in need to us so we can help them with food or money".  Listen when they pray. Listen when they read. listen when they talk. Listen when they interact with each other. It is a precious thing to be able to listen in to your child's conversations. Stop, eavesdrop on them. Listen to the beauty in their voices, the genuine tone in their voices when they play together. If they fight, when they fight don't just break it up and punish, talk it out let them tell their story and guide them into talking it out with each other and end it with them apologizing and forgiving. You are guiding them to a natural response to conflict with each other is to apologize, work it out, forgive and hug.
When you talk to your children don't fall into the habit that so many parents do and treat them like babies in the way you talk and converse with them. Give them purpose give them reason. Standing tall and talking down to them, barking at them does nothing for their self esteem or confidence. Stoop down, hold their hands and make a connection. interact!
People in general need time! You may have a friend that doesn't talk and borders on recluse. But were you around them when they came out of their shell and talked? Did their face brighten and did they get that pep in their attitude? People need other people's attention and time. Have you ever had that conversation where you feel that after 30 minutes you talked for 3 minutes? Sometime people like to hear themselves talk. Next time you are having a conversation take note of how many times you cut off the other person and how much time each talks. Be the one who lets the other one talk. "You can't learn anything while you are talking" Sometime it can make another feel validated, that someone cared enough to listen to what they had to say.
Time seems like it's so valuable and so sought after but it really does not cost anything, when it comes to time no one is rich or poor and no one has a ton of it in the bank. But the funny thing is,,, a lot of times its more valuable than any amount of money.
Kids need it, friends need it, parents and grand parents need it, everyone needs a little bit of it and we have it to give. Couple that up with a handshake, a hug, a kiss on the cheek or the words 'I love you' and you got enough to make someone's day or change their life. You really don't know what's going on in another's mind, it might be just what they needed. Time.

If you could see me now

I drove to Reading Terminal Market on a recent Saturday morning before the kids woke up, and it reminded me of the little amount of time I actually spend alone with no other people. When I am alone and driving like that I seem to always think of my dad. Maybe it's the country music I have on that brings up those thoughts. I often wonder what life would be like if he and Mom were still here. It's been almost 19 years but I still feel like that 19 year old kid when I think about them. On my way down this morning the song "If you could see me now" (Jeff Bates) came on. Now I know this is a song about losing a baby, but it made me think to myself , "What if they could see me now, what if they could be here now, what if they could talk to me now, what would that be"? And my mind was flooded with thoughts and my eyes with tears. If I could speak to my dad and mom for a few minutes these are a few of the things I think i'd say. If you could see me now I would hope that you'd be proud Dad.  Proud of the young man that you raised, leading by example to love his wife and children unconditionally like you love my Momma. And to love the Lord and fear God. If you could see me now I wonder if we'd still play tennis once a week after dinner like we used to or hang out when doing odd jobs and fixing things. And, Dad, man you have no idead (or maybe you do) how extremely beneficial those countless hours of hanging out with you when you worked on things and fixed things really paid off in teaching me to fix things, repair things and do whatever needs to be done. Your diligence to figure problems out when something needed to be fixed has taught me well. It kills me to not know the relationship you could have with my children. It is one of those few things that just doesn't seem right. But they know you, they really do, I often talk about you both and will say things like "Grandmom would have said "This" or Granddad would have done "That" and they really do know you as much as I could hope for right now. They know about your scratchy face, dad, from your stubble growing back in. and how you used to scrunch your cheek up when we came to give you a kiss. They also know that I never got too old to kiss you on the cheek and they know that I never regretted that! They know that the last thing I did to both of you was give you a kiss before you went to be with the Lord. They know they  are never too old for a hug and kiss for mom or dad. Dad, they know of all the times you read about Brer Bear and Brer Rabbit in the voice you did. Mom, they talk about you as tho they knew you and like its just a little while til they will really meet you. Mom , Dad, if you could see me now, you'd be happy at the nice girl I was blessed to marry. Dad, she's just the kind of girl you said I'd meet if I waited for the right one. You would love her. She's compassionate and loving, she loves and respects me and more importantly loves the Lord! Mom, if you could see me now you'd see my wife is a lot like you. She respects and honors me like you did for Daddy. That was a quality I admired as a young man and so blessed to have it in my wife.
If you could see me now you'd see a young man that misses his dad and mom as much today as I did almost 19 years ago. It seems so wrong but I often wonder what I'd be like if you were still here. Would life have put me on a different path and I not be living the life I am now? We will never know.

There are a million questions and a million unknowns, but I can say this, that if I could see you now Dad, I wrap my arms around and hug your neck, I'd kiss your scratchy face as you scrunched up your cheek. Mom I can still picture that Saturday the last time I saw you. You stood by the piano getting ready to leave for a day trip, I kissed your cheek and said goodbye. That picture is burned in my memory Mom, that kiss on the cheek and that goodbye.

So in all that has taken place in the last 20 years, I hope that if you could see me now you'd be proud. I try Dad, I really do. I know what great relationships are and I have what I'd consider some great relationships but can't imagine what it would be like to still have you and mom.

If you could see me now....

Daughters

If you are a dad and you have a daughter, consider yourself truly blessed. But don't stop there. If she is still little, it is time to take action, and never stop. My oldest daughter is just over 5 years old and she looks at me with stars in her eyes. I am the luckiest man alive when my daughter looks at me or caresses my face while she talks to me. But now I have another one, I am the richly blessed dad of a brand new baby girl. As I looked at her lying on the bed last night, with tears in my eyes, I told my wife, "I love her so much". I am the father of 4, and with each one came a very unique experience unlike each one before. My first daughter, 5 years ago, turned my world upside down. But it was just my wife and I with our daughter. I have had 5 years to learn and experience what a daughter can do to and for me. So I enter into this new part of my life with another daughter armed with all this knowledge and experiences and it wants to bring me to my knees just knowing what great blessings are in store for me. My daughter knows she will never be too old or too big to sit on my lap, to hug and kiss me or to have my time. No amount of money or gifts is worth more to our children as our time is. I am a work in progress and learning every day. I am thankful for Godly men in my life to lead by quiet example on how a real father, husband and man of God should live. As a family man we live a life of sacrifices but when looked at in a broad sense they are really not sacrifices but investments in our child's life. If you have a daughter, do like I do, don't go 24 hours without telling her you love her. My daughter has heard those words from me every day for the last 5 years and it's a commitment I will keep as long as the Lord gives us days. I tell my children that the best thing you can ever say is "i love you too" because that means someone else already said "I love you". With God's help you can raise the most compassionate and loving children if you choose to put in the time. Put aside your wants and desires and remember where your priorities really start. Too many fathers are blessed with daughters and live their life their way, their daughters grow up and at age 12 or 13 think they need to have a boyfriend or need to go out 2 or 3 nights a week with friends. They are embarrassed to be around their parents. A lot of parents write that off as 'it's just a phase' or 'teenagers' instead of taking responsibility for their mistakes. Children,, daughters need love from their dad. When I get home from work, my daughter usually has something waiting for me that she made for me and she would sit with me and read or watch a movie if we wanted. She enjoys spending that time with me. My wife tells me that my daughter looks forward to Saturday because her dad will be home. Last night the song "butterfly kisses" came on and my daughter came over and sat on my lap and looked in my eyes while it played. She had such kind eyes and pure love for me. it is moments like this that floor me. Daughters are amazing. Just tonight I was having a conversation with my 5 year old daughter, I told her how luck I was to have her love me. She replied, "All dads are lucky". But little does she know that not all dads are present in their daughter's lives enough to really enjoy that love. I know someone who once told me after have 3 kids (all grown now) they can remember the 1 and only time they changed a diaper. They've told me of the countless hours of work they put in, working 12-15 hours a day and part of every Saturday. What is left to show for it? Is any extra work, any overtime or any achievement at work worth missing time with your children. I believe we have a right to work 40 hours a week and trust for God to provide. Daughters need their dad. They need dads to love them, if you don't they will find someone else and usually at a young age. If a dad is not around to fulfill that need for a mans love in their daughters life she will find someone else to do that. And usually starting at a young age. That will surprise and sometime anger a father who will at that point try to step into his daughter's life and be the 'man' that he should be. But who can blame her if her reaction is "Now you want to come into my life? where have you been over the last 15 years?". A father cannot expect to drop by in his daughter's life from time to time and then be that big man only at key points in her life. He has to keep that relationship going from the time of birth right on through where ever life takes them. How often do fathers sit and talk to their daughters and listen to what they have to say. Even fathers that are involved with their daughters..... do they listen or is it always talking and preaching. Listen, sit, love and enjoy their company. Go out once a month with just one daughter, make it a date night and make it about her. Sit and talk over an ice cream sundae or wings and get to know her a little more. Earn her love and trust from when she is an infant so that when she is old enough and mature enough to desire a boyfriend it is most important to her the he loves God and is approved by her dad. Can you imagine being one of those dads that just 'finds out' his daughter has a boyfriend? oh, and she's only 16! Be her father but also be her friend. There is something special about the unconditional love of a daughter. Actively love that girl. Demonstrate what true respectful and selfless love is by loving her mother just like you want a boy to love her. Show her by example how a guy should act and what is acceptable. I can remember my Dad always loving my mom and never arguing where we could see or hear them. They never debated or corrected each other and always looked out for each other. My mom never complained about my dad to anyone. My dad was always ready and willing to help and do what needed to be done. They set great examples for us to follow and I believe it is now my turn to keep that cycle going. The flame has been passed and it's my turn to show my children, with God's help, how to be the father we are called to be. Love your daughters.