Well, I was back at PK this morning and was tired as crap! But, I still got up and went. Today was the day I was looking fwd. to , actually it was this afternoon that I was looking fwd. to. But at the same time I was not looking fwd. to it, because it would expose who I am and expose me for what I do with my life. For the last few months my life has been spiraling out of control. One thing after another after another, from things I would neglect to do that should be done to things I would do even tho I knew (not thought) knew were wrong. To scarring relationships with the people I love the most, to ruining ones that could have been great. To neglecting God's Word each night to not living it on a daily basis! But at the same time my heart burned within my chest and I yearned to do the will of God. And be the man that God intended me to be! I can relate to the Apostle Paul when he said (Paraphrased) "I do what I hate and I hate what I do, but all the while have a sincere desire to do differently". That is what he meant anyway. The weekends Promise Keepers theme is "Begin your unpredictable adventure". Through the power of the Holy Spirit and with Jesus as my guide and counselor, I WILL begin my unpredictable adventure. I'm not saying that it's going to be easy because quite honestly sometime the struggle and the fight just really suck! I hear that Jesus is 'the way, the truth and the life' but all the while I'm living my way, not knowing what real truth is and risking missing out on Life. I am convinced that I am spiritually asleep and need a spiritual awakening process. I need to be woke up and become a spiritual warrior! I had lost hope in my heart and doubted that I would come back to that place in my life again, or at least for along time! I've learned and am studying the characteristics of an awakened warrior; 1. An awakened warrior guards his heart. Something that I am guilty of not doing, I got to the point in my life where if it was good for the moment, what the hell, do it! But with the help of Jesus Christ I will work to be the awakened warrior He wants me to be. 2. An awakened warrior walks in the spirit. nuff said about that.. #1 speaks enough about my lack in that dept. and 3. An awakened warrior gets back up when he falls! Listening to God speak to me is said to be an important part of learning, growing and living a true life. 5 things that can help me to get into the Word daily are these; 1. Find a time and place that is stictly for reading the Word, no interruptions. 2. Read until God speaks to me. 3. Read Daily! 4. Share what I read. now there is an issue, sure I can share what I read with my family, but to do that with other men brings a whole different perspective. thats not the issue. The issue is that where I come from we are taught that 'small group'/'mens group' is a no-no. Why, I honestly can't say, but i've been saying for a year now that we should do it, have a mens group. But some of the men who I talk to about have a hang up somewhere. I do not know what it is, but I can only suspect. Could it be that the pastor thinks it's 'not necessary and could lead to a division among the brothers' so the men don't want to go against the pastor EVEN THOUGH they feel it is perfectly in God's approval?? I don't know, I can only guess. ok, #5 KEEP GOING. keep reading and progressing. And I add my own #6 LIVE IT. live what I read no just read it but put it into practice daily! Why is this so hard when I desperately have the desire!!?? whew. !! In starting to discover my purpose in life some of the things that were pointed out to me were these; God has made me a unique person. And not only am I unique, but God has given me a unique passion. That passion makes life worth the living. God made me the way I am so I could do what it is He wants me to do. And God has designed me for a unique purpose. Ok, I admit, sometime this is very very hard to believe. But through the power of Jesus, I will strive to believe and trust the source, GOD. In the homelife, my homelife can and does come a bumpy road! concerning kids (now, I don't have kids,,,,yet. But someday I want to have a family of my own, a wife to adore and cherish and love and who loves me unconditionally and kids that look at me and love me) I think i'll cry alot when/if I'm a daddy someday. I hope and pray that I get to see that day when I have the privilege to bring a child into the world! But back to what I was saying! Concerning kids, (now i do have some that I am responsible for as they were my own) involvment is HUGE to them. Involvement comes from availibility. One of the hardest things "HAS BEEN" to 'live according to the way so I can train according to the way'. But through the power of the blood that has changed tonight! I understand that to teach kids, i must be transparent to them, admitting when i'm wrong, and apologizing!!! Even kids know that talk is cheap, most of them learn that from their parents ! Just as I am unique I have to remember that each child is unique. I cannot use a one style of training fits all. But one thing that is universal is that the fear of the Lord is top priority in training children. Not only for them but for them to see it in me. My work, OH NO THE THOUGHT OF IT! ! ! I know that everyone must work, or not eat as the Bible says. I was taught, and am still pondering the things that I must take to work with me each day (And none included my brother, YES!) but ok, i'll still take him. :) The things I must take to work are 1.a sense of calling. Now I don't know about you, but that's a new concept. Calling to be an engine rebuilder. I didn't ask or apply for the job. It fell in my lap 10 years ago fresh out of highschool. But with alittle bit of understanding and instruction I am beginning to see where they are coming from when they say 'a sense of calling'. So much for that, i was going to use the word 'calling' to be the reason why I would 'resign'. JK! I am to receive my work as worship, everything I do, everyone I meet (ugh) I am to consider it worship and do it to the best of my ability for the Lord. In doing that I am to pour myself into my God given assignments. Even tho is my boss telling me what do to, it is God telling him. (Of course it's not God through him when he tells me to beet up the neighbor kids) but I am old and wise and can discern that I think! And ultimately, in all of this, God will reward me. #2. is Responsibility. Provision is tied to responsibility. In reality if I don't work and bring home the bread, we don't eat. So that is pretty basic for me. i think. I am to run from the tendency to be lazy and stick to MY business. not anyone elses but mine. THAT is responsibility. #3. is VALUE. Where ever I work, where ever God places me should be a better place because I work there. We should make an impression on that work place and bring value to it. And even when I feel ontop my game, I am never to stop progressing and learning. Improving my skills has no end. #4 Credibility. Being Honest, Honorable and trustworthy and a big part of credibility. One way to know what we will do in the future for a boss, is what we have done in the past. If we've been a slacker, we will be a slacker. If we were productive and an assett, we will continue to be productive and more of an assett. And in wondering why God doesnt give me bigger and better things, is because I have to ask myself; 'have I been faithful with and am I developing in what He has already given me or where I am now?? and #5. Sense of Mission. If I don't go to work on a mission for souls, i've missed something in the Christian life. Not necessarily to preach to everyone. but to win them by the life I live and the way I work in fear and reverance for the Lord Jesus Christ. With Him as my guide and my strength I will pursue the righteousness of Christ. Will it be hard?? Harder than I know!! Am I committed?? Only while walking by the side of the One who will hold my hand!! Do I fear?? You bet!! Dear God, I am venturin into a new phase of life. fearful; fearful of you and of what I'm entering into. Please Lord, don't let it be a one month thing and then die off !!!! Let it be a one life thing and enter into eternal life !!
Now if you read this by chance and think "Man, Jeff, lemme give ya a hug, man." You missed it, need more a slap on the back of hte head and saying, "c'mon, get with it dude, you are wasting your life and who knows who elses" !!
JF
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