PK 2005; my first night

Ok, so Promise Keepers 2005 has brought its first night. I attended and was encouraged and inspired. But being encouraged and inspired is totally useless IF I dont put them into works and into change. If I could tell you bluntly, last year, PK 2004 was a waste for me, it was useless, only because I am worse off spiritually one year later. But my heart breaks and yearns to be the man God wants me to be. I plead and I cry to God to give me the strength to change whatever it is that is my stumbling block. I search and search I pray and I pray but still there is something that is missing. Is it God, that is missing? Idk, Like I said, i'm confused about what isn't going right in this puzzle. It's like once I do something I shouldn't or don't do something I should, it's a downward spiral and its Fast, just incase you were wondering. I mean I could sit there and listen to the speakers and say "That's some good stuff" "That's a good way to put it" "thats a good challenge" but if I never put it into practice, accept and meet the challenges or if my poor spiritual condition dosen't improve, (Read my fingers) IT IS ALL FOR NOTHING ! ! ! USELESS AS TRASH ! ! ! If I don't open my proud eyes and listen, accept AND CHANGE, i'm dead. But I cannot do it without Christ, He is by far the most important part of this if it's going to work. That's the kicker, I'm not sure what's missing. And btw, this post is not asking for advice or nothing. Oh, and one speaker said. That to be encouraged you need to surround youself with men of God, but when i try to do that, they don't seem to have the interest to be looked up to by this struggling young man. Or they will deny that i'm struggling as much as I am. (Whacking them on head) Hello, I'm telling you im slipping and falling.. Hello!! Don't disregard my cry for help, o friend !! Ok, so i'm off to sleep, encouraged and inspired.. will it last. God I hope so.. I leave at 6 a.m. for a full day on Saturday. See what I come back with then ..