Happy Valentine's Day Anita

This post is for my daughter Anita. Although she is only 6 years old right now and won't read it,  maybe she will read this in 2025 or 2029 when she is 16 or 20 and her friends and peer pressure tell her she needs to have a boyfriend in her life because all of her friends do and it's valentine's day etc. etc. Too many young 15, 16, 17 year old girls are dating and have boyfriends and haven't even graduated from childhood yet. They went from playing dolls to holding a boy's hand and they don't really know why. Peer pressure and society telling them they need to have a boy in their life is giving them a raw deal. But back up a few years.... If a girl desires to have a boyfriend at 13 or 14 years old her father has missed something in her childhood. A dad needs to prioritize his daughters and work overtime to demonstrate what a real gentleman should be and how a real gentleman treats a woman. A dad needs to take every opportunity to love and prepare his daughter for dating and marriage. After all, we as parents are only preparing our daughters to grow up, marry and leave us. Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" The second chapter of the Bible, the second chapter of human history, God created a woman from man's rib for the sole purpose of helping a man, therefore leaving her mother and father to cleave to her husband. As much as that verse makes me glad I keep a shotgun handy, it is not just a friend's suggestion but instead it is the Gospel truth. Our daughters will grow up, find a man and leave us for him. Our job from day 1 is to prepare her and pray to God that the man she decides on has parents that put in the time to raise a Godly, God fearing young man for her. Dads, it's your responsibility to shape the young women in our lives, teaching them what it is to love the Lord and put Him first in our lives. You need to develop a relationship with her from infancy that she respects you and your wishes so much that it won't be a matter of her not sneaking out with a short skirt, earrings or high heels but more a matter of her not even having those desires because you raised her right and she knows what a respectable young lady dresses like. She knows the kind of girl that demands respect and honor rather than the kind of girl that demands men's second looks and wrong desires. Dads, you are the one that they need to hear it from. It is different coming from their dad than from their mom. Dad's need to have such a relationship with their daughters that it really matters to her what her dad thinks of her outfit, her shoes and her jewelry. But you need to speak with conviction and speak it as truth. I often struggled with the fact that when I tell my girl that "a respectable you girl wears skirts that come down to her knees" that I am at the same time telling her something about girls who wear short skirts. She will often ask me why someone else is wearing such a short skirt... But i've come to the conclusion that in the same way that I am trying to get her to the place where peer pressure does not have an effect on her, I have to ignore the pressure to not put such an emphasis on those things and not make them such a big deal because my peers don't make them a big deal with their daughters or even teach them in the same way, but instead let them where short skirts, high heels and gaudy adult like jewelry. Right is right and wrong is wrong. No young girl should be wearing a skirt that barely covers or 6" heels when they are 15 years old. There is no reason why a 12 year old needs to wear earrings. I explain to my daughters that there is no need to wear earrings because it only distracts from her beautiful face and there is no reason to die her hair because God knows what the best color for us is and he already made her beautiful with the hair He gave her. Are we ashamed of how God designed us? You get the point. God made her, she is beautiful just the way God created her, no need from jewelry to distract or makeup to hide her natural beauty. Every child and every daughter is beautiful and needs to hear this, often!! No we are not making self centered arrogant kids, we are assuring them that they can be comfortable in their own skin with adequate covering of their body. Kids that know their mom and dad love them and each other unconditionally are much more likely to chose a mate that has similar values as their own parents.
Ok, so now to get serious. Single girls and those who have doubts about their guy this is for you.
Girls, never settle for a guy! This is the reason why guys are supposed to pursue the girl and girls are never supposed to pursue a guy or ask him out. Girls, be pursued. Guys, pursue. Song of Solomon 4:9 “You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride.” Note the middle phrase "My treasure". If your guy or the guy you are interested in does not treat you like his treasure, walk away he's not worth your time. You had better be his treasure and his desire to please. If he does not bend over backwards and spend his spare time thinking of you and ways to make you happy he is not what a future husband should be and not worth your time. “Do two people walk hand in hand if they aren’t going to the same place?” Amos 3:3 In other words if you are not on the same page with marriage, with God, with goals and dreams you cannot walk together. What are his desires? Does he respect you? Did he ask your dad first if he could date you? Your daughter should respect and value your opinion and thoughts so much that she will tell the boy pursuing her that he should talk to her dad first before they go on a date. He should spend time at her house with her parents before they ever spend time alone. He should spend time at the dining room table with the girl's dad while he cleans his gun. That boy has got to know what your daughter means to you and that boy has to know how much you love your daughter's heart, that he better not break it. If he does not make your daughter's heart a priority he has no business dating her. Become the type of person that attracts the type of person you want to marry someday. Girls cannot dress and act like the world and be surprised when they attract guys of the world or guys with the desires of the world. You will attract the type of person you are. Girls don't look for a guy to come into your life to make it complete and fulfill it. You need to be comfortable and confident with your life before you can bring another person into it. Love yourself and your life before you bring anyone else into it.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Luke 10:27 If you are a Luke 10:27 girl you will attract a Luke 10:27 guy. Marriage does not complete you. It compliments you. Having issues in your life and looking for a guy to date will only add to your problems. Dating or marrying to 'complete' your life will hardly ever work. A girl cannot sit and wait for a man, looking at each guy and wondering if he will be the one that pursues her. You cannot do that, you will go mad! Don't wait on a guy to pursue you, wait on God. Whenever you’re feeling frustrated over how long it is taking a guy to notice and pursue you, remember that God is in control of timing, of this guy’s heart, of everything. Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” Notice it says the man finds his wife, not the other way around. You as ladies do not know the right time, but God does. Wait on Him and trust him. You can rush into a dating relationship with the wrong guy and get pressured into many things that you are not comfortable with, things that your dad warned you about, but all your friends are doing it and you don't want to be the odd one out. Then things go wrong one peer pressure leads to another and you are stuck with this boy, this kid for the rest of your life, or one of many other horrible options.
Several statements from girls I've heard:

• "I keep thinking he might be the one but I can't think of being 'stuck' with him the rest of my life" - hold up! No one is forcing you to date or marry a guy. If you are not attracted to him just run away!! Stop making your life goal be a guy! Live your life to the fullest right now! Guys suck if they are not the right one! 
• I've been praying for God to send me a guy and 'this guy' started showing me attention so I guess he is my answer to prayer". What?! In that statement she never mentions she met the most amazing man or she is so attracted to this man or loves spending time with this guy or anything like that but instead gives us the impression that she will marry this guy to obey God since she prayed and he started showing her attention.

I'm a believer and I love the Lord and seek His will. But this statement just seems crazy! And the first statement seems even more crazy. She says "I hope I'm not stuck with him....." No one is forcing you! It's not a kickball game in grade school where the dorkiest player gets picked last and your team is stuck with me! You were obligated to pick me in kickball but you are not obligated to marry me!! Dads, raise girls who know that!! Constantly convey to them the kind of man God has for them. Just wait!! The kind of respect the right guy will have for her. The things he will do for her and the things he will be willing to wait for.  

A dad has a huge responsibility to set an example for the kind of guy he wants his daughter to marry. There are two types of guys in the world: Godly guys who respect you, put you first and bend over backward for you and ungodly guys who are looking for what they can get, disrespect and only look out for what's in it for them. Raise your daughter to desire and attract a godly guy. If she doesn't, it's daddy's fault! You had her whole life to work on it. Girls, listen to your dads in this, no matter how old fashioned they seem. You will thank them on your wedding day and thank them when you have daughters who are being raised by the godly man they attracted and they waited for!

Single girls and you doubtful daters, listen: Is he willing to work, does he bend over backwards for you, is he man enough to talk to your dad, is he man enough to ask you on a date and pay, does he love the Lord first and always, was he attracted to your Christian beauty or  your short skirt? Answer those questioned and don't lower your standards!

Be a godly woman and a godly girl and it will attract a godly man. An ungodly man won't be attracted to you if you really love the Lord.

Mom, you don't get off without a warning. If you have daughters it's time to stop acting like a girl and more like a woman. Dress respectful!! Too many times Christian moms dress like I would never let my daughter dress! Husbands need to have the honor and respect from their wives to be able to talk to their wives about the influence they are having on their kids.

Girls: Don't pursue a boy; pursue God and He will provide the right one in His time! That's a guarantee!